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♫ Stuff In My Head ♫

Monday, October 31, 2011

On the last day of October 2011.

I wrote a super long post prior to this, saying how on the last day of my birthday month, is a day of reflections for me. Also going on and on about what a milestone this is for me, it being the last year of my twenties.

But you know what, after I finished typing, I read it once over and felt.. sad. This shouldn't be a day to be thinking about my difficult past, the sob-sob stories and the people who made me sob. It should be a day of looking toward the future, with my hand on my belly, of course. :)

And so that long-winded post will be banished into a folder named "Drafts" until once day I decide to publish it when I feel emo enough. :p

For now, thank you to all who has sent me well-wishes on my birthday last week and all my love to those who celebrated my birthday with me. I had a great end to my birthday celebrations yesterday, brunching with my bestest girlfriends. I love them to death and I wish for many many more great years ahead for our friendship.

October, for the 1st time, meant more to me than just my birthday and wedding anniversary. It was the big check on my bubs at the gynae's office and thankfully, nothing major came up and bubs seem happy where he is. Just as Lee Chao and I am as well. And that, to me, is the best birthday present.

It's hard for me to hold back my tears when I think about the fact that this time next year, Lee Chao and I will be joined by the 3rd member of our little family and I will have my hands so full that maybe I will forget my own birthday. Haha. Which will be a good problem. But then again, recent events have taught me not to plan for the future or wish for too much. Just live each day as it comes, being the best person you can be and always be thankful for all that you have. Because it could all be taken away from you the very next day, or this very minute.

So to all my friends, be happy to be alive, to be loved and to be able to give.

"It is not the number of breaths you take in this life that matters, but the moments in life that take your breath away."

Happy Halloween!!!! :D

Monday, October 10, 2011

白色婚禮

Can't believe this song is 10 years old come November. It is one of my favourite chinese songs and I will never forget the 1st time I heard it. I was 19 then, and working part-time at a record store when the speakers starting playing this song. I was at my section, shelving CDs and by the time the song entered its 1st chorus, I stopped what I was doing and leaned my butt against the CD rack while listening intently to the lyrics.

It had the most tragically beautiful tune I have ever heard and it almost brought a tear to my eye, right there in the middle of the busy record store.

The lyrics are so moving that each time I listen to it, I close my eyes and can almost feel the cold wind blowing against my chilly face.

I have never come across a song like this for the next 10 years and I believe this song held a very high benchmark for the rest of the songs I heard later on.

It is a perfect song to listen to when nursing a heartache. A great pity that Peggy Hsu never quite made it in the chinese music scene even though I am sure she has a loyal following of fans who continue to appreciate and love her style of songwriting.

Here it is, 10 years later.. I hope it will also bring you back to a beautiful, though sad time, in your life. It is the sad times in life that makes us happy today.



白色婚禮

詞曲: 許哲珮 製作: 陳建良 編曲: 陳建良/許哲珮 演唱: 許哲珮

今天特別冷 我想 是冬天來了
翻出一件件毛衣 也翻出有你的記憶

記得去年冬季 你說好下個冬季舉行一場白色婚禮
在耶誕前夕 就我和你 兩個人的婚禮也可以很甜蜜

接近零下的天氣 強迫自己穿著短袖上衣
冷到不能呼吸 卻害怕穿上毛衣 又想起了你 發現是冬季
眼淚結了冰 分不清 是太冷還是痛心
Oh來不及 毛衣來不及送洗 我過期的白色婚禮

沙灘不再美麗 情歌不再動聽
我們不再可以一起 一起
踩著浪花數著腳印 我們過期的約定

Sunday, October 09, 2011

19 weeks

I have very bad posture. Be it standing, walking or sitting. When I stand, I slouch. When I walk, I drag my feet. When I sit, I slump in the chair.

Now that I am pregnant, all these bad habits are taking a toll on my body. I have the worse backaches ever from lower to upper back. I keep reminding myself to stand up straight and sit up straight but I always forget once I get comfortable and end up paying for the price later at night.

It also doesn't help that I am no longer able to sleep on my back as the weight around my tummy increases. If I even attempt to lie on my back, I reflexively turn to my sides immediately as the tummy weighs down on my chest and kinds of cuts off my oxygen.

And it is known the only way to relieve backache is to lie flat on your back. :(

But that is probably the only bad thing I can think of now to "complain" about now that I am 19 weeks along, 1 week short of making the halfway mark.

Nowadays my most favourite thing to do is to put my hand over my belly under my clothes and wait for bubs to kick a leg or punch a fist. It is such an amazing feeling and even though bubs has been moving around for a few weeks now, the feeling never fails to amaze me every time. It is the only thing I have with bubs as a way of communication, to let me know he is ok and well in my belly. I have become so obsessed and addicted with this "daily activity" that as long as I have a free hand, it will be resting over my belly.

Next week will be the 1st time I am seeing bubs on the ultrasound in the 2nd trimester. It has been a long and hard 6-weeks wait. And I will find out for sure next week if bubs is a boy or girl, though my gynae has guessed an 80% chance that bubs is a boy. We will confirm next week that what we saw the last time is not a toe. :)

For now, I am going to stop typing, and put one hand over my belly while waiting for the clock to strike 6PM and head home! And then lie in bed on my side, holding my book in one hand and belly in the other. :)

Sunday, October 02, 2011

You are responsible for the LOVE you make.

Today, a friend I see about twice to thrice a year called to congratulate me on my pregnancy. Our husbands know each other so she told me she heard it from him.

We had a good conversation about babies (she has 2 daughters, a 3-yo and a 5-mth old) and how it feels being a 1st time mom when we ventured into the sufferings on the 1st trimester.

I told her I had a lot of discomforts like nausea, cramps, insomnia and extreme fatigue. She told me she was the same during her 1st pregnancy. Then I told her I am much better now, at 18 weeks. Almost all my symptoms are gone and it is indeed the "honeymoon trimester".

Then she said, "But you didn't say that to your husband, right?"

I reply, "Huh? What do you mean? That I feel better already? Of course, I did!"

She quickly follows after me, "Aiya, you shouldn't! You should continue to tell him you are still having headache, nausea, cramps whatever! You know, this will be the only time they are going to pamper us! After that, you will be like invisible already! All they care about is their new child!"

After I heard that, I felt very sorry for her. Her husband sounds like a jerk! I did not tell her that I don't think my husband will be like hers, because even when I was not pregnant, he was very sweet to me. I don't see why things would change after we have a child. In fact, I believe things won't change. My husband will be a great father and husband, if not an even BETTER husband to me!

So as not to hurt her feelings, I simply replied, "Really? Oh no! Ok I will tell him I am not feeling well today."

And after that, she went on to talk about giving her babies' old clothes to me. Which I gladly accepted, of course.

I wonder if what she says is true. If it is, it would be very scary. It's ironic cuz I thought building a family is supposed to further bond the couple closer. If it drives them apart then why do we start a family for?

I have always known that the key to a happy family, is to have happy parents. Because, without happy parents in a family, is akin to not having a family at all. If you both decided to start a family, then I think it is both your responsibility to make sure the family is well-taken care of not just financially, but also emotionally.

After I have my own family, my top priority will not be to nurture my children (although that will be important also), but to maintain a good relationship with my husband. My husband will always be my top priority. Because 20, 30 years down the road, he will be the one there to sit by my side and hold my hand through thick and thin for the rest of our remaining years. Not my children. Or rather, I do not want to depend on my children in that way. To me, the relationship I have with my husband is more important than the one with my children.If we don't take care of it now, when the time comes and it is left with the 2 of us alone again, it will be too late to repair the relationship. We may no longer even have kind words for each other. I do not want that to happen.

It is easy for me to say this now cuz I have yet to have my own children. I do not know yet how great the love for my children could be. So I hope this post will serve as a reminder to myself to not forget the very basics of a happy family, and what I will owe to my children for bringing them into this world: to give them a happy family! :)