四点金 - Curse in disguise?

I was reading a forum thread on Singapore Brides about future mothers-in-law (MIL) buying (or not buying) 四点金 for their future daughters-in-law (DIL).. and I am shocked that so many people actually find this VERY important, so much so that when they find out their future MILs are not buying the 四点金 for them, they feel that the wedding is all "screwed up".

the most ironic part abt it is, some of them claim to be "very traditional" people, hence requesting for 四点金. Then when questioned if either the bride or groom is teochew, they say, "No, but these days 四点金 are given to non-teochews also". So much for being traditional!

Seriously, that is a bit too much, isn't it. A marriage isn't about fleecing from each other's family, it is about the UNION! it is pretty ridiculous, the reasons these brides-to-be conjure up, as to why their future MILs are not buying 四点金 for them/why they feel it is a NECESSITY:

1. they don't dote on their future DIL so don't want to waste money on 四点金
2. brides don't feel accepted as part of the family without 四点金
3. relatives will talk because no 四点金
4. bride's parents feel insulted
5. bride lose face cuz no 四点金

I am sure there are more but the above 5 kinda sums up the bulk of it.

I really find this ridiculous. Did I miss something? Since when did Singaporean girls become so materialistic? Does the existence of 四点金 matter so much? I wonder what kind of foundation is the relationship of the soon-to-be wedded couple based on? It irks me even more when I read on to see other people commenting, "I understand how you feel". Sorry but I don't understand how you feel! Or even what you are thinking, for that matter!

One of them even said, "The market rate for 四点金 is around 10k". Is there really a market rate for this? 10k is really an unreasonable amount for an average-income family and 10K means nothing to well-to-do families. I wonder what she based her "market research findings" on?

to me, the 四点金 is just a symbol of tradition, which has to alter itself slightly in order to continue to exist in today's modern world. if you can afford it, then good for you. but if you can't, how can you expect to receive 四点金? that would be utter unreasonableness.

I know of some MILs who buy a simple gold chain or bracelet to give their DIL during the tea ceremony. It may not be 四点金 but it is a symbol of it. Others, simply just give you an angpao. This is an excellent example of keeping up with the times (and keeping up with your personal financial books).

Some brides called their MIL "stingy" or felt the "budget" was too little even though their MILs offered to buy them 四点金 and gave them the freedom to pick out what they wanted, based on the budget. If this is not being greedy, I don't know what it is.

it didn't even cross their minds that maybe their MIL cannot afford it or perhaps just the good ol' saying "it's the thought that counts".

Other brides on the forum mentioned their future MILs want to give them hand-me-downs as 四点金, and the brides are not happy. One of them even said, "so sian". Do they even know the value of gold is not based on the age of the piece of jewellery? or do the words "family heirlooms" mean anything to them?

what does it matter if you have the 四点金, but your MIL treats you like shit? Does that mean that she "dotes" on you a lot? I would rather have a good MIL then her 四点金! And the 四点金 means truly nothing to me if it doesn't come with good intentions and a good heart.

If you have to haggle and fight with your MIL in order to receive this 四点金.. what is the point?

I personally have a less than fantastic relationship with my MIL but in this case, I am left with no choice but to be on the side of the MILs.

honestly, if my future daughter-in-law had a such a mentality, I would think twice about gifting her with 四点金 too. It is definitely not a question of whether I can afford it, but a question of her character and her intention to marry.

Sorry.

I chickened out in the end.

:S

WORST pick-up line

"I like every bone in your body, including mine."

UGH!

Homeless student heads to Harvard - Very Inspirational

All the very best to her and I hope this won't be the last time we see her name in the news.

http://www.gnn.com/article/homeless-student-heads-to-harvard/539624?icid=main|main|dl2|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gnn.com%2Farticle%2Fhomeless-student-heads-to-harvard%2F539624

Am feeling jittery..

Cuz I kinda wrote a short story (amongst many others, in fact).. definitely chick lit.. but this is one of those I feel strongly for. And as I have mentioned to .J before.. I am contemplating publishing them here, on my blog, for ppl to read.

But I am still lacking.. courage. I am not confident that it will be good enough to be published so publicly! Cuz everyone will get to read it once I put it up here.. I dunno if i am up to it when it comes to criticisms.

But then again, I am looking forward to getting some honest opinions, to see what ppl think of my writing. (Or the reverse, not getting any kind of response at all!)

Maybe cuz this is quite a big deal for me.. I have always secretly wanted to be a writer. With my kind of imagination, ppl who know me should not be surprised.

So yea.. I am pretty close to finishing the story so I am seriously thinking this through.

Maybe once I have set my mind to it, my next post will be the beginning of my short story. I will break it up in parts and publish them.. cuz all in one post will simply be too much, even for a short story.

Just MAYBE, ok?

"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go.."

I wish I were going off on a jetplane but I disappoint myself.

I am packing to move to my in-laws place, in a small effort to save some money for the new house coming up.

well some of you know what happened the last time I stayed with my then-future-in-laws. hopefully the recent change of status will make things a little bit different (and better) for us, in the good way for sure.

i have been moving ard a lot in the past years.. and honestly speaking, it's tiring. in the beginning, it was hard.. i had to get used to the change of environment, ppl and accessibility (or rather the lack of it) of the new places that I stayed in. but as i moved from one place to the next.. it kinda grew on me. I was an adaptable person to begin with.. so now i am just.. spent. I really hope this will be the last place i stay in before i get my own place.. cuz packing (and unpacking) can be hard work overtime.

So this week is gonna be packing week for me. the coming weekend will mark the beginning of yet another new home-stay for me.

i try to be positive and tell myself that at least i will get to see hubby everyday.. cuz that always makes everything better.

it's still working now, at least! :)

Hanson are POETS.

Hanson is an amazing band with unsurpassed talent, be it in songwriting or lyrical competence. And I won't hear of it any other way. They are musicians, so don't judge them by their appearance nor beliefs, judge them by their music.

THEIR MUSIC IS INCREDIBLE. Every time i listen to it, I fall right back in love with their music.

If they has been born during Shakespeare's era.. I'm pretty sure they would have made better poets than Sir William himself.

Here are some of my favourite lyric snippets from their music - judge for yourself..

"'Cause when the minutes seem like hours and the hours seem like days
Then a week goes by you know it takes my breath away
All the minutes in the world could never take your place
There's one-thousand-four-hundred-forty hours in my day"
From: A Minute Without You (Middle Of Nowhere)

"I'm looking for a song to sing
Looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might find a heart to follow"
From: A Song To Sing (This Time Around)

"The wind it blows
Through the trees
Claiming those
Innocent leaves
And the thunder rolls
These crashing seas
Like a tender kiss
Holds it's heart in me"
From: Love Song (This Time Around)

"She counts the time 'til her heart breaks
Just waiting for her next mistake"
From: Watch Over Me (The Walk)

"From a distance I watched the flowers brush your cheek
As you read the words I wrote I couldn't speak
But now I lay here broken heart and blistered feet
As you're spinning 'round my mind"
From: Runaway Run (This Time Around)

"Cigars in the summertime under the sky by the light
I can feel you read my mind
I can see it in your eyes under the moon as it plays
Like music every line
There's a rug with bleeding dye under the fan in the room
Where the passions burning high
By the chair with the leopard skin under the light
It's always Penny and me tonight"
From: Penny And Me (Underneath)

"Been running through my mind today
Scenarios to add to your hypocrisy
No one ever takes the blame
But everyone is searching for a cure to the pain
Nothing ever seems to change
Oh, nothing ever seems to change
We just play like broken records in a deaf man's charade"
From: Strong Enough To Break (Underneath)

"One more for the night
One more for the pain and
One more, long goodbye
And one shot to the brain
And one more takes the knife
And one more takes the train
Who do I name today
Who do I blame today"
From: One More (The Walk)

"I find hope and it gives me rest
I find hope in a beating chest
I find hope in what eyes don't see
I find hope in your hate for me
Have no fear when the waters rise
We can conquer this great divide"
From: The Great Divide (The Walk)

And the best one of them all...

"Mmmbop ba duba dop ba du bop
ba duba dop ba du bop
ba duba dop ba du"
From: Mmmbop (Middle Of Nowhere)

Cuz seriously, who can make up a whole chorus only with sounds??

HANSON CAN!

Michelle Trachtenberg

Some ppl know her as Dawn Summers from Buffy.


Others know her as Georgina Sparks from Gossip Girl.


For me, I know her as Michelle Trachtenberg. There is something about her.. that spells danger in the air, like evil is always lurking around her somewhere.. it's captivating.. and slightly electrifying.. keeps the men interested and makes women fascinated.. and for me.. it makes me wanna look at her and not look away.


There is something mysterious about her eyes.. and yet when you look a little longer, they appear innocent at the same time.. kinda like a cross between Angelina Jolie and Lindsay Lohan. her gaze is effortless, all she has to do is look at you.. and everything around her becomes black and white and all sounds fall silent.. it's like the world is looking at her.. and only her..


She also reminds me of Vivian Hsu.. that if Vivian were a caucasian, Michelle Trachtenberg would be what she looks like. And on some occasions, Audrey Hepburn comes to mind too.


Her look is unique yet classic.. her face like a fashion brand.. her style is impeccable.. the best thing about her is that she is not another hollywood blonde. (God knows we have had enough of those.)


I would so turn lesbian for her.

When A Friend Goes Bad, Dump It.

i have a really good friend whom i've known for 18 years of my life now. i can safely say that we've gone thru a lot throughout our friendship from primary sch, to secondary sch, to our different career paths and now that we are both abt start our own families.

as a pri sch kid, she was a wild child. she would lock our classmates inside the toilet cubicles and laugh mercilessly outside or throw a ball of wet tissue at you for no reason. some would call her hyperactive, others naughty. i had always been the one friend who was able to control her wild way ways in sch, strange to speak.

in sec sch, she became a different person. it was like she had enough of her playful nature (or maybe she just grew up). she became this sweet and considerate friend, who would look out for me in sch and speak up for me against other frenemies. we knew each other inside out and were inseparable.

after we graduated from sec sch, we kinda went on to have other friends from all walks of life, her wild character surfaced from time to time with them.. but she was a young adult now so was able to draw the line between good, clean fun and outrageous fun on her own. sometimes i would check in with her when i felt she was getting a little bit out of hand and she would listen to me with no questions asked and returned to be being my sweet and considerate friend.

but as the years gone by.. her wild side surfaced more and more. perhaps due to the nature of our work being so different yet so intertwined with our lives, i am less able to relate with her these days. she works long hours while i hold a stable 9 - 6 job. she bosses ppl ard while i listen to my bosses. she has to be bitchy and demanding to make sure her work gets done while i have to refrain from being too aggressive at work lest colleagues ostracize me from the circle of trust.

one thing abt her that has remained constant from the time i knew her, is her time management - which is zilch. she is NEVER on time, and never had to wait for anyone since she is always the latest even though her watch is set to 15 minutes faster than the actual time. so she doesn't know the feeling of having to wait for someone.

the record time i have waited for her so far, is 3 hours. and that was probably wat set off my irritation since.

i've tried to get it across to her many times, using ALL ways. it is rude. it is inconsiderate. and it is tiring. if you know you are gonna be late or not gonna be able to make it at all.. say so earlier. dun let ppl wait. if your time is precious, then so is ours. let's not waste anyone's time, right?

she would always just smile and try to change the topic. like it means nothing to her.

and when for the umpteenth time she was 1 and a half hour late, i kinda resigned to fate that God had sent a friend such as her to test my patience. (which is as good as a sitting duck's by now.)

After 1 and a half hours when Friend finally shows up:
Friend - "I'm sorry."
Me - "You should be."
Friend rolls eyes.

WTF was that?? You say sorry then you roll your eyes?! I waited 1 and a half hours, FRIEND! And that rolling-eyes act was not testing my patience, it was testing my TEMPER!

I complained to Hubby abt this later that day and he commented: "Maybe you are just not important enough for her to be punctual."

I never thought about it that way, i just thot it was her wild side resurfacing, more aggressive than ever. after all a leopard would never change its stripes. she was just being her, the way she was back in primary school.. and instead of standing behind her pulling her back like i used to, i am now on the receiving end this time.

and maybe.. perhaps.. possibly.. hubby is right.

I am never meeting her again. NEVER EVER.

'We might need to see you without your bra, he told me. I was 14. I didn't even have breasts yet.'

It's a sad story, perhaps I would not be so judgmental next time I see a stick-thin model on the runway.

Read the article here.