Hilarious!

I nv thot I wud put up such a disgusting face on my blog but THIS I realli gotta share!

I was reading http://xxvsdy.blogspot.com and came across this.. it is too darn hilarious! (This is not plagarism but better to state source, eh? and because of this plagarism episode.. i am suddenly proud of myself that i am absolutely capable of writing my own posts without stealing from anyone! who wud have known that readers wud actually take this for granted and that writers shud now feel that it is an esteemed virtue on to blogosphere to be writing ur own, original posts! wat a joke!!)

A little game of Spot-The-Difference!
I cannot imagine ANYONE photoshopping their pictures to make their own breasts look bigger! *ROFL!*

even for me, someone who edits pictures using paintbrush (cannot afford photoshop la!) to superimpose myself with some famous person like Brad Pitt, this is insane! my paintbrush-editted pictures are purely for comic-relief.. meant to look fake just to earn some smiles from my friends - my sister would rem some of the funniest pictures i created with Edison and Jay Chou! but with the MONKEY.. her pictures are meant to deceive.. tsk tsk tsk..

unabashedly.. i admit to be one of the most vain person ard. i alwaes put on my make-up in the most immaculate manner. but it has NEVER EVER crossed my mind to do such a thing to mislead ppl! (and look how weird she's made her fren's arm look by enlarging her own breasts!)

and most imptly, i am totally contented and happy with how i look. i may lament abt my humble boobs, round hips, dark eye rings and wat not.. but i wud nv, in my life, do a thing to permanantly change anything abt them.

seriously MONKEY, u r definitely deluded and slightly deranged. stop ur monkey acts and see a vet, pls. you are definitely sick in the membrane!

*puke* DY *puke*

As XX very openly announces on her latest blog entry, i must say that i feel the same for her.

the DY saga just never ends! more entertainment drama for readers like me!

this is the real expose and it is UN-BE-LIEV-ABLE! - even tho i am sure all fellow DY haters have long suspected this side of her.

and this further reinforces my mentality towards entertainment news - there won't be smoke if there is not fire. *winks*

I love the powerful statement the writer wrote at the end of the blog. and i share her sentiments exactly.

I am going to be digging for them, one-by-one, until the the day you apologize, and DISAPPEAR FOREVER from the limelight you never deserved.

I couldn't agree more. THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME!

i cannot begin to tell u how bad my day has been.

1st, the monster makes me cry (yet again) in the office. that's ok. maybe i'll be fine after i get used to his sneaky ways.

and then i fell down in the middle of raffles place. on all fours. grazed both my knees and elbows and one of the elbows is gushing with blood. :(

before i fell, i had gone to the dessert stall at The Arcade and bought, 3 tang-yuan soup, 3 barley with ginko nut, 3 longan with almond jelly and 3 white fungus with dates.

after the fall, i was left with 3 tang-yuan soup, 1 barley with gingko nut, 3 longan with almond jelly and 2 white fungus with dates.

i had spilled 2 barley with gingko nut and 1 white fungus with dates.

and i earned myself a very awkward position in the middle of raffles place. my elbows and knees hurt. i had to pick myself up and clean up the mess i made in the middle of raffles city. the plastic bags holding the containers broke. i had to pick them up one by one and carry them back like a balancing act. if u are too lazy to count, that is balancing 9 containers with 2 injured arms back to office! on top of which, i had my handphone and wallet with me.. so with all these in my poor 2 hands, i also had to grab the broken plastic bags, dripping with barley with gingko buts and white fungus with dates, and toss them into the nearby bin.

nope. no one offered help. in the busy raffles place bustling with people and life. NO ONE OFFERED HELP.

i felt so pitiful of myself, i almost cried there and then. (but then again, it cud be becuz the monster triggered my tear ducts today. they jus kept coming.)

so ya. this is the one of the worst days of my life this year. :(

it feels like as tho the Gods are warning me that there will be more coming my way.

now i'm preggers, now i'm not!

oops. sorry for the lack of updates. it's just that my life has been such a bliss lately that there is realli nothing for me to rant abt. as is the purpose of this blog. :p

but well.. today i am going to write abt something close to the heart. LITERALLY close to the heart..! my breasts!

before you break out in laughing fits, lemme tell u y i am writing abt my humble assets.

as most girls would understand, during that time of the month, or rather, slightly before that time of the month known as PMS, some of us will have headaches, backaches, mood swings and constant cravings. and for me, i get the most horrible sore breasts. they hurt so much that sometimes i try to walk as gently as i can. yes they hurt even as i walk!

so wat happened was, last week during my PMS period.. i had the worst sore breasts. they hurt like a bitc*, i swear! but then i started to count the days on my calendar.. not right leh.. they are not supposed to hurt until 2 weeks from now! (yes, i count every single day of my cycle.. they have been very very accurate so far!) but well, i thot.. maybe it's just come early this month.. let's wait and see.

but no. it did not go away. it hurt more the next day. and even more the next day. and the next day of the next day of the next day, i awoke in the middle of the night startled by the pain. it was unbearable. i stayed awake the whole night thinking, wat was wrong with them? why are they hurting so much and for so long? i dun remember them ever staying so sore for so long. then i started to count the days on my calender again..

uh oh.

could i be... preggers???

and from that day on.. i lived everyday thinking that i might be preggers. when i walked, i walked slowly. when i was hungry, i ate immediately. when i had a craving, i made sure i took care of it. when i reached for something cold to drink, i reminded myself that i cudn't. i spoke to my colleagues with kids and subtlely probed abt the early days of their pregnancy. i even decided to wait until i missed my next period before i would get it checked.

i lived like that for a week. and last night, i felt the soreness in my breasts change into something else. it became a dull, throbbing pain. nothing like the kind of soreness i experienced before.

i started to have second thots abt being preggers. wat if i wasn't preggers.. wat it my humble assets were sick? :(

i made an appointment with the doctor 1st thing this morning and when i saw the doctor at lunch time, she asked me many questions, touched and probed my assets and finally said, "You have dense breasts."

WHAT THE HELL IS DENSE BREASTS??? Small breasts i kno. Flat chest i kno. but dense breasts??? WTH?!

the sweet doctor went on to explain that breasts are made of fats and body fluid. and apparently i have little fats and more fluid. (yes, i know there were not much fats in them long ago.) and the reason why it hurts now is because there is simply too much fluid in them and they are unable to drain away. hence, is causing the discomfort. this is also one of the PMS symptoms called water rentention. apparently i have it more serious than others.

the doctor then offered to either gimme painkillers or medication to expedite the draining.. but on the other hand, it wud go away with time, in a matter of weeks. so i decided to do it the au naturale way. i didn't want to be the 1st person to take painkillers cuz of sore breasts!

well.. now that i kno i am not preggers nor is there anything wrong with my humble assets, i feel much better. altho i do not mind being preggers tho. *motherly instincts kicking in once again!*

and this.. is the story of my sore breasts. i wonder if ppl got MCs for sore breasts? *Kekeke!*

New Office MONSTER!

I realised it's been some time since I've met an office monster. 自闭症 is NOTHING compared to this new monster!

Monster joined us about a month back as a department director. He is the typical kind of guy who is funny, friendly and approachable when you FIRST meet him. but as u work more and more with him, u wonder to yourself, "how the hell did this guy land himself in the position that he now holds?? he knows shit!"

but as you get to know him EVEN better, u realise he is impossible.. he does not even know how to use POWERPOINT??? and that he's funny cuz he needs to maintain peace with everyone. friendly cuz he needs all the help he can get ard here. approachable cuz he wants u to be approachable to him when he approaches u abt once in every 5 minutes.

seriously, how did he get this job in the first place!

and because he is so incompetent (but no one else knows but U), u end up having to do all of his work and him just giving and giving you more and more work. because, simply, he does not know how to operate his machine, right?

he can't cut and paste reports and consolidate them, cuz "the formats get messed up".

he can't subscribe to his own magazines online cuz "the server is too darn slow".

he can't call and cancel his own appointments cuz "i have called her one time too many".

he can't buy his own mug cuz "there are too many options out there". but remembers to tell u to buy a plain blue one.

so bascially, he can't get anything done on his own. he needs help with EVERYTHING he does.

and at the end of the day, u help him do everything, making sure he gets all that he needs at the deadline stipulated and miss out on your own work and deadline.

he comes to your desk the next morning and slams 2 thick files of namecards beside you.

monster: "when are these going to get filed?"

me: "i didn't realise you needed them urgently since I've already input ALL the data into your outlook contacts. but if u need them filed, i will get it done by Friday."

monster: "no, i have been waiting for them to be filed for over a week now. i want them done tomorrow. shud i talk to A (my boss) abt this or will u just do it?"

me: "talk to A abt what?"

monster: "this! things are not getting done ard here!"

Things are not getting done ard here?? THINGS ARE NOT GETTING DONE ARD HERE?? so what is all those shit work i have been doing for him over the past weeks?!?! have i missed a single deadline? NO! Have i refused any of his work?? NO! Am I his secretary?? NO! I am only standing in for him until he hires one! Even my own boss don't talk to me this way!

me: "it's up to you. talk to him if you want."

it was the most polite thing i managed to say and i almost had to force a smile. except i didn't. i didn't even look at him when i spoke. I WAS FUMING INSIDE!

monster: "ok, i'll do that."

and he walked away.

filing namecards is the least impt thing to do, IMO. it is something i wud do when i am free. apparently some ppl do not think of it that way. it is of utmost importance that namecards be filed EVERYDAY.

maybe i should realli "not get things done" and show him wat "things are not getting done ard here" means.

The Chelsea vs Malaysia match that will change my life!

Hi Kenny,

Well, I am not a soccer fan.. but i do know the players quite well cuz my bf is a big fan of anything remotely related to soccer. So you can imagine most of my weekends are stay-ins with the commentators voices filling every ounce of the living room.

If I wanted to get outside for the night, I would have to pick a place that televises soccer matches, be it EPL or Spanish League.. otherwise my bf would not go out with me..

If i wanted to watch something else besides soccer that night, i would have to watch in the room on the little tv that I have to squint my eyes to see.

If i wanted to go for a short getaway, I have to make sure that the country/hotel i choose shows soccer matches too.. (australia does not televise soccer AT ALL.)

So u see, as a result of this.. my bf and i have not been out of the house, or even the country for a considerable period of time.

If you would be so kind to give me the tickets for the Chelsea match in Malaysia.. it would be a great reason for me to pull him out of the house and on a short trip to KL.. no doubt he will enjoy himself and i will be glad to be doing something diferent for once. (and not to mention some shopping would be great!)

So, what do you say, Kenny? Yes? *please?*

Your very faithful reader,
Kelly

**Post-note**
If you are a reader of Kenny Sia blog, you woudl know what this is about.. otherwise, see here.

And of cuz.. this post was a very weak attempt at trying to get the tix. Kenny did email me to ask if I would go down to KL for the matchif he gave me the tickets.. and of cuz I said "YES"! but i nv heard back from him since. so i guess it's a goner.

and since it is a goner, i am going to come clean abt this entry. Of cuz it is all fake.. everyone knows what a good bf he is! he would not do any of the above to me!

If Kenny reads this again, sorry I didn't mean to lie but I just realli wanted to surprise him with the tickets.. well, no luck i guess..! *frowns*

Blogosphere drama no more.

so sad la... XX decided to close the topic by removing all posts related to the whole DY drama.

i logged on to her website today expecting see some juicy new update on the drama but alas.. i saw this instead.

it realli makes me wonder if the slutch (slut+bitch=newly-invented-word-by*him*) used unscrupulous means to FORCE XX into the action above.. i mean... it seems she is capable of all things impossible, right.. so why not this??

oh well i guess i am jus bored.. been a while since such juicy drama surfaced on the blogosphere.

but i have to maintain my stand tt i am utterly dusgusted with the slutch and truly feel that she is a disgrace to the ppl and especially girls of Singapore. i seriously hope she will close her blog and disappear from the face of the earth.

omg, i feel like puking as i am thinking abt her face/antics and typing these.

so with that, i end this post with a fervent wish for the children/teens of our time to kno that the slutch's lifestyle is NOT a role model and her behaviour should not be condoned.

One DY is oredi an embarrassment.. we seriously do not need another DY ard.

Xiaxue, this time I am with you!

LATEST NEWS ON BLOGOSPHERE!

Well I have to agree with "Dawn Wayang" (rip-off of Dawn Yang's blog), that jus when you thought it was safe on the blogosphere, your past/skeletons in the closet catch up with you! (oooh i love trashy gossips!)

ok here's the story.

XX posted an entry on her TRUE feelings towards DY (well it's not that she was fake abt it before, i guess it's jus weird to be going ard bitching abt someone who has done you zero harm.) and turns out, of cuz.. that XX has the same sentiments as most netizens abt DY's so called "natural beauty". and being XX's style, she goes on to research and talk abt DY's life as a "blogger" and how she is not fit to be one.. and that DY is just an attention-seeking "blogger" and a wannabe-everything. :p

so anywaes, as my gut feeling instructed me, i went back to XX's blog this morning and saw that the post had been removed and replaced with this.

Drama Drama Drama!

i swear it was a goddamn good entry XX wrote! and i was a lil disappointed that i cud not read it again.. but lucky for us - Dawn Wayang: the Dawn Yang blog rip off, replicated the entry here!

So guys, go read and have a good laugh over it!

Well, since XX did say that it has now riled an impending lawsuit.. I am kinda afraid to say anything more BUT i do feel that the fact that DY has slapped XX with a lawsuit implies that she does have skeletons in her closet and she is going all out to keep them hidden!

and come on, the blog post was up for less than 24 hours!! wat is DY doing..? googling her name every 5 minutes to see who's talking abt her on blogosphere??? *faints*

anywaes, i cud go on and on abt this as most kno abt my hatred for DY. but i thot since i have become a happy-person-convert, i shall not try to cause misery to other ppl also. even if they totally deserve it. :p

as my blog title suggests, im with XX on this one! i hope DY will finally realise that this topic abt her is nv going to be over until she comes clean with it. and other haters will go on to generate more "facts" abt her (otherwise known as flaming) just to piss her off and fan her anger. :p

seriously, i wish for her to jus disappear. *poof!* like that. i can't even stomach the sight of her name!

stay tuned for more drama! :D