something came back to my mind yday during our cold-war period. it's like i forgot abt it for the longest time.. but now tt the memory's come back, i thot i shud blog it so when i come back to read this someday, i will recall again - this very sweet little bit of detail from my r'ship stories.

there was one year during *his* reservist, i think it was probably 2 years ago.. in 2005. it was a so-called high-key, so that means his reservist lasted for abt 2 weeks. and i think he didn't get to book out weekends or something.. so we ended up not seeing each other for a long time.. until one of the days in the 2nd week, he msged me, "B! i am gg to NUH now! medical check up! u want to come meet me here?"

once i saw the msg, replied, "ok!" and bounced up from bed, (i was still in poly then.. probably one of the days i didn't go to sch. :P) and went to get ready. i showered and dressed and made up in half an hour (which is a record for me!) and ran out of my hse and got into a cab. i reached NUH in less than hour of receiving the sms. :p

when i reached, i saw him sitting down with 2 other reservist guys. when he saw me, he walked toward me and signalled me outside. his officer was within range so he cud not be too obvious abt it.

so we walked outside to a corner where no one cud see and then he held my hand. we didn't say much, he jus stood there, holding my hand and puffing away. i jus stood there and watched him puff.

after that we went back inside and he saved me a seat beside him and i jus sat there with him and his mates. he reached out to touch my hand a couple of times.

after the check-up was over, he had spare time while waiting for their transport to come and take them back to camp. so we went to the canteen to grab a bite.. caught up on a bit of our lives for the past week.. then he had to go.

i watched him get into his camp vehicle and he waved me goodbye. after that i took a cab home.

it was bizarre. it's like i dressed up to go see him for only 2 hours. and we didn't do much. and thinking back.. it was quite silly of us. haha.

but we were happy to see each other. and a warm, fuzzy feeling brews in me when i think abt it. :)

i hope more of such memories come to back to me.. so it makes me happy even for tt teeny weeny while.

tash is weird. but funny. haha.

last night abt 2am she sms-ed me to say her bf's mom was admitted to a hospital in KL and so they are driving up the very night (wee morning, rather?) and will be back later in the day. and she added at the back of her sms - "took the toothpaste. open the new one. bye bye."

i thot tt was hilarious!! tt wud be the last thing on my mind if i were her!! all i can say is she is a kind soul and i hope her bf's mom is alright.

next month this time i would have moved into my new place. am pretty excited since i'm gonna be staying in the block right behind another bestie. her mom's even invited me to dinner at their plc oredi. *overjoyed* some family warmth at last, even tho it is at another family's expense. no one can understand how much i am craving family together-ness.

lately the mommy bug in me has resurfaced. i dunno if it's me or are there more pregnant ladies ard my vicinity lately. i swear, i see one at every corner i turn. and i am so so so envious of them.. and that little bulge in their front..

in the past i used to get realli excited and look forward to becoming a mommy myself.. but lately.. when i see pregnant ladies.. i feel a bit upset. cuz i dunno if i will be able to wed in the 1st plc, not to even mention having a baby.

we had one of the most devastating quarrels this week. it lasted for 3 days. and it was over the thing i hated to quarrel abt most - MONEY. altho i must admit, it had reali been my fault. i overspent, and i knew it. it was a matter of time the cat would be out of the bag. i dunno why i didn't jus apologise and do the usual, "i won't do it again" fashion and get it over and done with. instead, we quarreled and quarreled and it was so heated tt i can still feel my anger as i am typing this.

something dawned on me and made me realise it's importance even tho i haf heard this particular phrase many times, but perhaps they were from the wrong ppl or at the wrong time. one time we were having dinner with agus's family. it was a cute group of ppl. agus and his wife, his parents, *him* and i. it was like the transitions of a couple. the bf and gf, the newly wed, and the old couple. so his mom was telling us abt 夫妻之道。 and she said, "两个人在一起，最重要就是不要太计较。" i knew that, but perhaps it was the way she had said it.. she stole a glance at her 糟老头 like seeking for approval after she said it and he nodded gently in unison. it was like they were livng examples. and at that point, i totally understood wat the phrase meant. it does not only refer to money matters, but also times when both parties are pushing the blame to each other, times when one partner does something inconsiderate, times when one partner is late, times when one partner does not keep to his/her promise.. 全都不要计较。真的。becuz end of the day, it is not abt who's right or wrong, but abt whether u r both happy tgt.

so as i thot abt tt precious piece of advise from agus's mom, i took the 1st step and smsed *him*, telling him i'm sorry and tt it will not happen again.

and in the same old fashion, it works like a charm and he melts.

see, all it takes is for one person to say something nice, it is not that difficult, realli.

i wud rather b HAPPY than b RIGHT. :)

*de ja vu! i've said the same thing somewhere else in my blog before!*

the weekend had been a bizarre one. it was an emotional rollercoaster for me, even tho it had been a good one.

*he* was moving hse over the weekend and so i was left to spend time by myself. i am quite used to that so i had no issue with the proposal. however, since his family was busy with the moving, he'd asked me to go help out for both sat and sun at the market. i wondered if the others knew i was the one tiding them over their duties, or they simply thot my mom cud manage one weekend w/o them. (she cud, it wud jus b a bit hectic.. help on weekends wud still very much be appreciated, apparently.)

i cud not help but wonder wat went thru their minds if they knew i was helping out while they moved. and if they didn't kno, why didn't *he* tell them? sigh. there i go thinking abt senseless stuff like these again. by sunday morning i became immune, cuz i knew i was nv going to get answers for my questions.

i've helped out at the biscuit shop previously, many times in fact. but i've nv been there alone. it was alwaes with *him*. wat more it was for 2 days in a row this time, by myself. saturday was extremely hard for me. i was bored. time passed so quickly when *he* was there.. talking cock and laughing ourselves silly in tt tiny shopfloor space. plus i kept wondering if his family knew i was doing this for them and if they cud somehow appreciate it. my mind was in such a riot.

by saturday night, i was a bit restless. he'd not called/msged the entire day. i figured he'd been busy. when he did call later that night, i was too upset to speak with him. he knew but he did not press for a reason. he'd felt guilty for not having spent time with me for the past 2 weeks.

i've tried to be as understanding as i possibly cud. but i cud not help getting upset somehow. i did not take it out on him this time tho. i kept to myself mostly.

on both mornings, he came to pick me up to send me to the market. i appreciated that very much. at least he is putting in that wee bit of effort that meant so much to me. he also made a point to haf breakfast with me both of the mornings. and each ended with him buying back food for his family. made me wonder if he had breakfast with me and then bought breakfast for them out of convenience or he had to buy them breakfast so had breakfast with me out of convenience. seriously, why can't i jus haf a much simpler mind??

sunday had passed surprisingly easily for me. my mom kept me very busy at the shop and before i knew it, it was time to pack up and go home. boy, was i glad i finished my 2 days of "shop duty".

so my weekend went by jus like that. i dun feel like it was any different from a weekday cuz i didn't get to see *him* much. this friday we're going to a wedding tgt, let's hope it'll be a good thing for us. at least i get to see him, if not spend quality time.

it's monday again. and i realised ever since i quit advertising, i haven't had monday blues anymore. :) looks like i made the right decision this time.. by not going back into the industry. i think i'll able to hold out here longer than the other places i've been.

keeping my fingers crossed!

i realised that blogging has to be a constant thing. i cannot stop blogging for a few days or an entire week cuz when i do, i have too much to type that i dunno where to start. it's a bit overwhelming. and so, i keep putting it off and off and off until one day, i need to get it all out.

which is today.

i have not blogged in 6 days yet it feels like a month. scary how much can happen in 6 days.

VEUVE CLICQUOT

so i was saying, the girls and i, we went out for a booze-filled night last friday. started off at Veuve Clicquot (which i have no idea how to pronounce - Vive Clico? Vuve Clickot? wateva) at the Red Dot Museum. I have never been there before so i didn't know what to expect. perhaps having no expectations is good cuz i thot the place looked amazing. it was minimally furnished and they played with the effects of coloured lighting (red and yellow), yet the place was maintained at a comfortable dim level. it was a chic affair even tho the theme of the event was "Yellow". i only saw one lady in a yellow dress and one other lady with a yellow bag. that's abt it. there were more ppl in black than in yellow. in fact, i was surprised at how well dressed everyone was! i dunno where i've been but i have never been with such a crowd before. all the men was either in suits or something realli chic and dressy like the "director's" cap with thick black framed glasses, or black suits with white leather shoes (er, sounds a bit michael jackson, hor?) There was this guy who realli made an impression on me. he was in jeans with a white shirt and black tie and super super shiny leather shoes, simple but very outstanding. probably helped that he carried off the look very well too.

the girls were mostly in short dresses, the non-revealing kind but still very stunning. a few of them reminded me of audrey hepburn. the dressing that is. very very chic.

like i said, we were headed to zouk after the event so needless to say, we were dressed like party animals, nothing chic abt it at all. when i walked in to the Red Dot Museum, i felt out of place immediately. i was in pink and white. and a very mini skirt. i felt like a slut among the classily dressed crowd! but i think theresa felt worse cuz she was spotting a very very cleavage revealing top and body hugging capris. i tried to stay close to her most of the time so i wud look more decent. HAHA.

so anywaes, we stayed there for abt 2 hours, sipping on free champagne (ok, we were gulping at one point, haha.) and people-watching. it turned out more fun than i had imagined - and more eye candy than i ever thot possible. :p

ZOUK

when we decided we were intoxicated enough, we headed down to zouk. it was M's bdae and at one point, we were determined to thrash her party. if she had been robbed of the limelight of her own party, she was be fuming mad! but we aborted our plan last minute cuz, we r jus not as evil as we wish ourselves to be. :p

we started out at members, drinking (some more) and playing drinking games. fiona nv gets enuff of the drinking games, it irritates me sometimes cuz i prefer to dance myself silly. Unfortunately, music at zouk is not the kind for silly dancing. so abt an hour later, we relocated to Phuture. MAN. it's probably been 2 years or more since i last set foot in Phuture. and i kinda forgot how f***ing good the music in there was!! i almost did not stop dancing at all for the whole 3 hours that i was in there. song after song, scream after scream, those little feet of mine nv stopped moving once, not even when i was playing drinking games with fiona. :p needless to say, almost all of us were wasted, but some holding it better than the others. poor theresa was completely wasted and we know that because when she came down the stairs from the ladies, she slipped abt 5 to 6 flights down. ON HER BUTT. HAHA. she assured me she was fine after that but the next day when i spoke to her, she yelled, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? You should check out the blue blacks on my butt, IT'S HUGE! and hurts like hell! but before that, tell me how i got them!" i laughed for a good 5 min before i proceeded to re-enact with words, on how she fell.

there were some unpleasant moments that night, but it doesn't matter cuz it had been a great night and we did enjoy ourselves after all. (lately i've learnt not to harp on unhappy events.)

pictures to prove our wild night:


@Veuve CLicquot


@Veuve CLicquot


@Zouk


@Zouk

i received a phone call on my mobile phone on wednesday afternoon about someone who wants to give me a free makeover and photoshoot.

i should have known, nothing comes for free in this world.

i've had thots of getting one done recently anywae, so it didn't take long for them to convince me to go for this "free" makeover.

i made an appointment with them the very next day, and went there after work. i was surprised to see so many ppl at the studio when i entered. if their business was this good, they didn't have to give out free makeover and photoshoots to ppl, right? at one point, i suspected that someone bought me a package and secretly arranged for me to go. *wishful thinking*

so they assigned an image consultant to me.. it was this 23 yr old malay guy.. who wasn't very good-looking, short but had a very warm personality. he spent half an hour talking to me, trying to find out more abt my personality so that he knew wat kind of clothes to put me in and the kind of mood shoot that would be suitable for me (casual, formal, provocative etc.)

There was going to be 2 shoots for me that day. the 1st one, they had decided to go with casual. so i put on a long-sleeve, off-shoulder top with my denim mini skirt. hair was straight and left hanging loosely around my shoulders.

2nd shoot, they had wanted to do "artistic". this is a tricky term. artistic, sometimes meant nude. so i got a bit worried. but they told me no no.. u will be wearing clothes on you.. but we will make it look very very deceptive.

so turns out it was a very clean and stylish concept. they gave me a "bedroom" look. i had smoky eyes and big curls in my hair. i was wearing stuff on me but in some photos, it looked like i wasn't. but it was very tastefully done.

after this, i changed out of the clothes, and proceeded to photo selection.

some of the photos turned out realli nice.. but as promised over the phone, they were only going to give me 2 complimentary photos (raw, non-editted) out of the 60 shots we took. it wasn't hard, i picked out 2 of them quickly.. one each from 2 shoots i did.

then came the dreaded bit. they tried to make me sign up for their package.

when i came, i thot all they wud force me to do, was buy more photos of myself from the shoot of 60 photos, instead of jus going home with the 2 complimentary photos.. boy, i was so wrong.. they tried to sell me their membership package worth some SGD3,800!! MAD OR WAT! they went on and on with their hard-selling for about an hour and i listening patiently and politely throughout. when i started to slowly refuse their package, they got a bit more aggressive and forceful. i also started to raise my voice and explain to them, for the 100th time, why i cud not sign up with them there and then. when it dawned on them that i was not gg to sign, they turned nasty. one of the guys said, "well, it's alright, i guess. if she's not even someone who can make a decision on her own, i don't think we should waste our time talking to her anymore."

now, that was getting personal. it hit my raw nerve somewhere. i still tried to explain NICELY.

"it is not that, i haf oredi said, i cannot jus sign away SGD3,800! i need to think abt it." i didn't even reject them completely.

"bye" the guy said back to me. before i gave myself a chance to raise my hand to slap one of them, i grabbed my bags and walked towards the door. and stormed away.

DAMN IRRITATING!!!! how can they do business like that?? even if i had realli wanted to do a makeover later in life, i wud NOT consider them anymore! i wud not even recommend them to ppl no matter how good their photos turn out!!!

so now, i am going to warn everybody - DO NOT take up any services or packages offered by a photography studio named NAUGHTY BY NATURE Image Consultants (NbyN) situated at 69 Circular Road (Boat Quay). they are simply unprofessional and rude! i am going to start my boycotting exercise as of today. go to forums and warn ppl abt them!!!

ARGH. i am still angry thinking back abt it, but at least i got 2 very nice photos out of them, while, they, got nothing out of me. HA.

maybe will show u guys the pictures later on.. need to ask ppl do some editting for me 1st. HAHA.

i am a hopeless romance-addict.

witnessing the courtship process of a girlfriend's is so much joy for me! it is like a romance novel unfolding in front of me. super sweet. :)

work woes

i feel so horrible. but i realli can't help it.

i've once again rejected the offer from the ad agency.. yes, i've decided not to join them.. initially it was because i felt bad leaving my current employment.. my boss is real nice. but later on, the ad agency called to give me such an irresistable offer, i simply cud not refuse. but as the date of joining the agency neared, i started to feel like i made the wrong decision.. my current boss was real upset tt i was leaving.. and he tried all ways and means to keep me.. and after a long long think abt wat to do, i decided to stay where i am.. cuz i simply cud not give up such a cushy job and good boss!

so i emailed the ad agency to tell them tt i haf decided not to join them.. and 1st thing this morning, i saw a reply from them.. and until now i dun dare to read it cuz i feel so bad for telling them abt my decision so late.. i was supposed to start next monday! :(

online novel

i have started on my mini project.. writing my 1st ever online novel. :) i've written many short stories before and like i mentioned previously, i got bitten by the writing bug since going back to reading chick lit a few weeks ago.

i hope to be able to complete it soon so i can publish it online fully.. publishing it by chapters is realli quite a drag. and i wun b able to go back and alter anything if i publish by chapters.. so there. :)

gg to Veuve Clicquot at Red Dot Museum tmr night and heading for Zouk after that. with all my gfs with me, i'm sure we're gonna haf a blast. will try to take some pictures so i can haf a photo blog nex. been some time since i posted pictures. :)

PJ says - "how have u been? to be honest.. have been beating the bush for so long n no point doing so anymore lah.. keep on asking how have u been, all the best.. hope u doing fine.. but of cos.. i just wanna know are u doing really good.. cos dunno why.. maybe im not in singapore and i dun have much contact with u which makes me worry.. and also.. u should know i still like u alot.. u should know that if i know u broke off with ur x n if im still in singapore.. i would rush over to u and ask for another chance.. know im still in japan for awhile.. but i just wanna know how u feel about me? can tell u one thing for sure.. i left for japan cos i couldnt forget about you.. n even after 5yrs in japan, u are still in my mind.. have no idea why but its in me for so long so why keep inside anymore.. i really like u alot.. 6yrs ago.. yes.. now.. yes.. i do not know what will happen in the future.. no one knows.. do i want to take care of u.. yes.. i do want to take care of you, i wan u to know that theres still someone outside who have been thinking of you.. and im scared of losing you again.. i lost you once.. then i found u in msn, but u left.. then i found u again.. i wouldnt want to lose you again for sure.. ppl might change, me or you might not be the very same person after all.. so what.. all i wanna say is.. if im ever given that chance again.. i do wanna be with u again.

sorry for being straight forward out of sudden.."

DK says - "i thot u were ready to be jus frens. all these years i avoided u cuz i kno u feel this way. i do not want to give u any false hope or indication tt i want to be anything more than a fren. and i think tt after all these years, i need to tell u tt i cannot be more than a fren to u. the fact tt u react the way u did or still do, is a bit frightening for me. i am afraid of u, u kno. u make me uncomfortable. i am sorry for being so straighforward, but since u r ready to come clean, i suppose u r ready for this too. i realli do not want to talk abt this anymore plus i realli haf no energy for such affairs. i haf no choice but not to reply any more of ur msgs cuz there is nothing else to say or explain on my end. i dun think it is healthy for u too. hope u can understand."

PJ says - "oei.. i do understand lah.. but no need to be frightened lah.. just after so long.. i think i didnt explain myself well enuff.. but seriousli after that email.. i dunno why.. im not thinking of anything anymore liao.. sorry for making u feel uncomfortable.. paiseh."

WEIRD OR NOT, YOU TELL ME?

if i had been an indian and celebrated deepavali, i wud haf said it had been a great holiday. :)

Public Holiday Eve - MAD SHOPPING

i spent wed evening doing the sinful affair again - SHOPPING. it was totally unplanned! i had only wanted to stop by at PS to grab dinner.. BUT!! why were there discounts and sales EVERYWHERE?!?!?! BODYSHOP, LA SENZA, CHARLES & KEITH.. ALL HAVING SALE!! how can i not shop.. it wud b so wrong.. *snickers*

ended up getting cosmetics at BODYSHOP, suder duper comfy PJs at LA SENZA (gg back today to see if there are some more!) and a pair of patent black heels from CHARLES & KEITH. oh, and 2 novels from TIMES. yes, even TIMES was having a sale!!!! unbelieveable. i'm thinking it is some pre-xmas thing. this is alwaes the best time of the year to buy stuff. cuz everything goes on sale during xmas shopping time. i developed the habit of shopping for CNY clothes/stuff during the xmas sales abt 2 years back, cuz there are alwaes better buys and stuff are in-season stuff. :) this year will be no different. (then again, i've been shopping all year this year..) *shakes head*

so after the sinful spree and eventually grabbing mos burger for dinner, i headed home and jus 5 min before i reached home, *he* called to say he's coming to pick me up and we cud go for a movie, since we didn't haf to work the next day. so i went home, almost running cuz i didn't want to run into him downstairs my place and get caught red-handed for my shopping crime. and in case he wanted to come up, i had to hide away all my shopping bags!!! i had almost wanted to gobble down my burger cuz if he knew i was having fast food for dinner at 9.30pm, i wud b pretty screwed. but i was too tired and flustered to gobble it down.. so i brought it along with me to the theatre, figuring it wud b better to get caught for this than for the shopping spree. :p

in the end, he took me to boon tong kee for a decent dinner as fast food is a no-go for him. :) *sweet*

LIONS for LAMBS - Realli? it is a movie?

we saw "Lions for Lambs" that night. OMG. it is so not a movie. it is like a freaking documentary!! like Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth". it was a weird show, IMO. there was no storyline, the flow of story didn't gel, there was no climax too. the ending was like as if it were a drama serial.. as if it was "To Be Continued". except, not in the big movie way.. like i said, in a small drama serial way.. jus pop in the next dvd and see what that last guys said in the last episode. YES, boring.

however, i think it served as a good reminder to the Americans.. the movie seemed to want to drive a messge to the Americans.. something abt staying united and supportive of the US govt to fight against terrorism. hence, it was dificult for us, non-americans to relate. *sigh* i realli wonder wat Tom Cruise was thinking when he took on the role? doing a part for the nation?? gosh, realli no idea man.

meryl streep was magnificent tho. she almost realli looked like she lived the life she potrayed in the movie. amazing actress.

my brother wud totally love this show, i think. haf to remember to tell him to watch it!

BRIDESMAID? ME!

went home amost 2am that night. woke up at 8am the next day to go to the biscuit shop. the same afternoon, agus called to ask us to go for fitting. huh, wat fitting?? apparently i am the bridesmaid for his wedding and i wasn't told until now. sheesh.. trust guys to do such things, they will nv fail in forgetting dates/impt events.

but anyhows, I AM VERY EXCITED!! i have been a "sister" at fren's weddings many times, BUT NV A BRIDESMAID!! and *he* is the BESTMAN!! it's gonna b fun!! i haf alwaes enjoyed going out with agus and his wife-to-be, Sally. sally and i get along like we've known each other for ages! we are born 16 days apart only! we can relate to each other on many issues cuz our bfs are so alike.. being the good frens they are. and we help each other "spy" sometimes. :p

so yday evening we went for our fitting at one of the bridal studios at tanjong pagar.. i had 3 short white dresses to try and i realli liked one of them.. but agus's mom and sally preferred another.. so i compromised cuz it is not my wedding after all! as long as agus and sally are happy. :)

i ended up taking the very typical but safe bridesmaid dress.. a short tube a-line dress.

it's going to be fun, i'm sure!!! can't wait till january 3!!

after the fitting, we had dinner with agus, sally and agus's parents at a traditional hokkien style restaurant in amoy street. and i realised how much i missed having dinner family-style. agus's mom is very similar to my mom, so maybe tt's y i felt very at home with them.

after dinner, *he* sent me home and read a bit before deciding to finish up the last 2 VCDs of the korean drama i was watching. and went to bed after. nothing extraordinary that day but it was a good and happy day nevetheless. i am beginning to enjoy simple days like these. :)

他应该非常的生气，因为他从来没有不回过我的简讯。不过真的不能怪他，因为如果是我，我可能会比他更生气。

可能我们之间真的应该到此为止，也真是托得太久了。。我实在很不应该，不过我真的没有其他办法。。

每年的生日，他都一定会记得打电话给我祝贺。去年，我第一次没有接他的电话。。 虽然我知道他特地等到凌晨四点钟打电话给我。。 因为他的凌晨四点钟是我的午夜十二点。不过，我真的没办法接他的电话。。 因为现在的他在我的身边。。 要我怎么接呢？

过后，我传了一封简讯跟他解释，说当时我已经睡着了。。 说了不好意思。。 对不起。。 不过心里还是过意不去。。 因为撒了谎，自己不可能好过吧。。事实是，我真的不知道怎么跟他说。。说以后我们都不应该再联络了。。 因为对我们对方的另一半都很不公平。。对他更是不公平。。 我从来没有打算过要给他任何希望或错误的幻想。我一直都只当他是一个很好很好的朋友。。 我想，我真的让他误会了。。 只能怪我自己。。

今年，他像往年一样，尝试打电话给我，想要像我祝贺。。 不过，我如去年一样，不能够接听他的电话。。 今年，我决定老老实实地跟他说，说为什么没接听他的电话。。 简讯传了出去以后，我手中握着的手机，没放下过。。 不过，过了一个小时，我知道我等的那一封简讯，是不会来的了。

可能我伤了他的心？ 可能他不知道要怎么回我的简讯？ 可能，这一次他真的决定放弃了。。

这正是我想要的结果啊。。为什么我会坐立不安呢？

我想，可能我知道，我失去了一个对我来说，非常重要的朋友。。 而他不只是一个普通朋友而已。。 他是我的初恋，一个我从来没想过可能发生的初恋。。 而到了最后，就算我们做不成情侣，我们都答应彼此我们永远会是最好的朋友。就算他有了女友，他都常常说她们都不如我。。 每几个月还是会打电话个我报导他最新的状态。

我也知道他一直都没放下过我们之间的感情。。但是，我答应过他的。。我们永远会是最好的朋友。。

看来现在，是不可能了。。

这真的是对彼此最好的结局吗？还是是我自己觉得而已？还是，是我太想保护我现在的他，而对以前的他做出伤害的事？是我自私了吗？我真的不会处理这一个残局。。

只能说，我真的很对不起。。 希望他会知道。。

I really never meant to hurt you…

The past weekend had been a big one for me. but it didn't feel as big as it should haf been.

i had stayed home on Friday as I had lots of things to do (it felt that way). i am going to have to move out of nat's plc by end of this year so i wanted to find a place asap. didn't want to scramble at the last minute. so i saved the whole friday for room-viewing, i was supposed to haf 3 rooms to view that day but 2 cancelled on me so turned out i only had one in the end. and it was at 9pm! :( i spent the day reading mostly. at least it was a good book.

i realised the market for room/flat rentals mus be realli good of late. cuz the agents are all so difficult and impossible to talk to. they are somewhat arrogant and mostly impatient. so different from 3 years ago when i was flat-hunting with my sister.. the agents were so eager to please. service was fantastic. now, i only hope they dun cheat me of my money, is all.

the room i saw that night was in bishan. ammenities aplenty and right next to 3sa. :) it is owned by a couple with 2 young children, somewhere between 1 to 4. the landlord is a nice man, friendly and smiling most of the time. the landlady is slightly more hostile. she doesn't like smiling a lot and is blunt with her words. didn't make me feel too uncomfortable tho. i thot maybe she was having a bad day, is all.

so i saw the room, i liked it. it was new, big and clean. i liked the fact that they made the room quite self sufficient. i wudn't haf to get out of the room a lot.. (i dun want to have to make small talk all the time with them). the plus point is that they did not limit me to the use of aircon.. the 1st room i saw had wanted to charge 450 with a/c, 400 w/o. and that was in punggol. super far lo. this one is in bishan, including a/c and utilities, 500. super good bargain lo.

i didn't want to go home and think abt it cuz if i did, chances are it might be snatched up before i cud decide. i was quite happy with the landlord/lady and the terms so i signed the contract on the spot. :)

one thing less to worry abt.

the day before on thursday, the guy i went for an interview with at the ad agency called me and offered me something i nv nv thot possible. i had rejected his offer as it was too low. and boy, i dun regret it! he came back with a better offer.. much much better offer. i almost fell from my chair. HAHA. but i still wanted to think abt it, considering advertising is hard work.. so i told him i wud call him back the next day to confirm. friday morning, i called the person whom i knew was working there and asked him for his views. overall, he didn't haf much to complain and thot i shud join as the new AD who was recently hired is proving to be quite an employee and wud definitely be a good person to work with. hence, right after i hung up the phone with him, i called up my future boss and accepted the offer. i will be starting 19th nov. :)

one thing less to worry abt. (was proud that i settled 2 major issues all in one day! yea!)

next thing would be my resignation. the toughest of all. argh. after that, i wud haf nothing to worry abt!!

so when saturday came, i was oredi in high spirits. I spent the whole of Saturday with him. from the moment i woke up (he picked me up at 8.30am) to half an hour before i slept (1.30am). It had been a fruitful Saturday to me.

We started our Saturday with very delicious wan tan mee at Tiong Bahru, then went to the biscuit shop and worked till 3.30pm. went back to my place at almost 4pm, played psp and just talked nonsense until 5.45pm, and headed for Ronald's hse for steamboat dinner/more PS/mahjong. It was fun. i played mahjong with Jeremy, Yuyun, and Shijian's gf (whom i didn't even get her name throughout the night of mahjong). I was winning all the way until the last round.. but ended up not losing and not winning. to me, not losing is winning oredi. :) as a beginner at mahjong, i am very happy with that!

sunday was bad (for me). i stayed home the whole day (cuz it was his mother's bdae and of cuz, i wasn't invited to dinner) and had only one meal that day. when i am alone, i tend to not want to eat. so i spent the whole day reading another book and finished it in one day. it was not bad. and after i finished the book, i went to bed at 9pm!

not too bad a sunday la.. peaceful at least.

so in a way, it had a big weekend for me.. but i dun feel like it had been as big as it shud had been. *shrugs shoulders*

wud haf been good if i saw him for a bit yday. but well, my own expectations, can't expect the same out of others.

be contented, kelly. be contented.

room hunting. i wish i cud jus skip this part and move into the perfect place. but, the perfect place is something i cannot afford. accessible, near amentities, fully furnished (with furnitures that i actually like), with nice landlords/tenants (who will leave alone when i want to be left alone and talk to me when i want to be talked to) and convenient for *him* when he wants to come visit.

T O U G H. if all of that can fit into my tiny budget, it wud b a miracle.

but well, if i haf to live thru it, i'll live thru it. hope the selection process wun b too taxing.. i've done it b4, realli dun wanna go thru it again.. :(

feeling the usual depression again. haven't done the work i shud haf done in office, haven't rejected the offer i haf been offered at BBDO, feeling annoyed at certain individuals who keeps barging into my privacy (whatever i haf got left). seriously, damn frustrated.

i haf a lot of frens, i got along well with my colleagues (and ex-colleagues), i also haf my family tt sometimes i feel are non-existent, i also haf a bf.. how come i alwaes feel so alone? think not gg home to a family realli makes a lot of difference. i used to not like being ard ppl.. but i think now i am happy to haf ppl ard, sometimes. i dun feel so.. lonely.

one thing for sure, i am more independent than a lot of ppl i kno. i seriously haf no idea where i got that from. i mean, i didn't haf a struglle growing up as a child or anything. i was like any normal kid, staying home with family on sundays, gg to sch on weekdays and hanging out till late after sch with a 6pm curfew, gg out ocassionally on saturdays with the same sch mates. i've 1st travelled with frens on my own without my family when i was 17. 2nd time i travelled by myself without anyone i knew on the plane was when i was 19. now that i look back, i think my parents were pretty lenient with me. they also had a lot of trust in me. maybe tt is why i turned out this way. quite fearless, but probably too trusting. but nevertheless, independent.

those 2 months that i'd gone without *him*, i thot i did a pretty good job, looking back now. sure, i cried a lot when i was alone. but other times, i was quite normal. i didn't need a rebound guy, nor did i need frens to keep me occupied. i was ok by myself. fiona said i was very strong, i'd tell her, i'm jus determined, and very impatient. if i set my mind to do it, i'd get it done in the shortest time possible. (hence, i alwaes end up making a lot of decisions i regret later on.)

been reading a lot of romance novels lately.. kinda ignited my love for writing again. when i was in secondary school, getting an A for compositions was no biggie. i got that all the time. i wrote many short stories on my own back then.. but i've left them all at the old house when i moved and nv managed to get them back. i secretly harboured the thoughts of becoming a writer professionally.. and the urge has suddenly come back now.. as i read the novels, i think to myself constantly, "if i were the writer, i'd do it this way, phrase it that way". i think one of these days i will pick up my pen and start writing again. (or rather pick up my laptop and start typing. :p)

"You have a natural flair for writing." - my most favourite comment from an English teacher i did not like very much back in sch.

"You are a very good storyteller." - my most favourite comment from my most favourite English teacher back in sch.

aiya, this is my blog leh, let me boast for a while la. :p