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♫ Stuff In My Head ♫

Monday, December 31, 2007

i am so tired from my weekend...

i spent the whole of saturday moving room (not hse).. we only had one car so we made 3 trips back and forth.. and it is only ONE room. GOD.

when we finished moving, we rested for a bit then went out for dinner and movie. when i got back to my new room i was too beat up to unpack anything. so i didn't. i had wanted to go to sleep BUT turned out my new landlord plays mahjong. :( super depressed. i didn't get to sleep until 4 plus in the morning the next day when the mahjong kakis packed up and went home. i cudn't b more tired. i jus hope he does not play weekdays and sunday. (he didn't play last night, thank god.)

so i stayed most of yday at home unpacking.. but still only managed to do up a bit of the room only.. feeling lethargic and sick so didn't much energy to do anything. was also feeling depressed cuz they family is in the living room most of the time and that limits me to my room most of the time too. and there is absolutely nothing to do in my room.. no internet connection (i dun haf a pc anyway), no tv, no radio, no nothing! only books to read but tt made me feel realli miserable.. i cried a few times that day. that lonely feeling is so scary but the silence is the worse. :(

by evening, i was realli gg out of my mind. when *he* called to check on me, i was realli cranky.. and i cudn't explain why and he didn't kno wat was gg on. so he came to accompany me, bringing me dinner too.

i met him downstairs my block since my landlord does not encourage visitors in my room. when we sat down, he pulled out the lunchbox he brought with him and i realised he had packed food his mom cooked. i didn't ask if she knew cuz i was afraid of the answer. so i jus ate quietly.. then he mentioned he felt putting the food in the lunchbox was very cute and then i cudn't resist so i asked, "did ur mom kno u packed the food out of the hse?"

he said, "ya! i told her it was for u and she helped me to pack also!"

hearing that, i cudn't control my tears and they came like a running tap. i was very touched that his mom did that for me.. even tho she banned me from her plc.. but it was realli ironic.. i dun realli understand wat is gg on. but i was jus very touched that *he* did this for me too. i cud not explain to him why i cried but he was realli concerned.. so i told him i'll tell him when i finished the lunch box dinner.

after dinner, we sat downstairs my block and talked for a bit.. he kept asking me why i was so upset and i told him cuz i felt very restrained to my room and the emptiness in the room is very depressing.. and he immediately got up and said, "come, let's go!"

i replied, "where to??"

he said, "mustafa! let's get u a TV! then we go apply for cable, then u can watch all the shows u want in ur room!"

and i was so touched, i cudn't help it.. i cried again.

we went to mustafa and bought a 21 inch samsung tv.. perfect for my room since it isn't a huge room. *he* had wanted to buy me an LCD TV cuz i kno he wants the best for me. but i told him there's no point getting such a good/expensive one cuz i dun even kno how long i am going to stay on my own for.. and this current contract is only for 6 months.. and i managed to persuade him to get the regular TV but not the cheapest one. he bought the most expensive one out of the range cuz "it looks nicer, so it will make you happier".

sweet...

after that we went home, and *he* fixed up the TV for me. by that time, it was 1am but i was eager to watch TV cuz i haven't realli watched TV in a long time. so even after he left, i watched my new TV until 3am, watching channel u and channel 8 simulataneously. thus i am feeling even more tired today... but definitely happy. :) and in a few days time, i will have cable in my room!

i am realli blessed to haf someone like *him* looking after me.. i dun think anyone can do a better job.. when he reached home, i sms-ed him that i cried just now cuz i felt touched and he replied to say it's ok and tt as long as i'm happy, he's happy.

thank *you* so much.. from the bottom of my heart. :)


HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone!! GOOD 2008 to all!! *big smile*

Friday, December 28, 2007

i need to stop being paranoid but i realli dunno how to. :(

the dowager was out of town for abt 2 weeks and returned last night. when i heard that *he* was going to pick her up from the airport, my fury jus exploded in my heart. how come everytime she returns from out of town, the whole family has to go and pick her up? the last time i returned from out of town, he didn't even come to pick me up. WHY? he said he to work. so how come he didn't haf to work last night??

and bcuz i am in my paranoia, i am beginning to suspect the real reason why he did not offer to take me to Shanghai and HK with him in Jan next year is cuz he did not want to infuriate the dowager. perhaps the dowager wud not haf been pleased abt that. me and her son on a holiday tgt without her.

and now that she is back, i am dreading the mornings again.

every morning, i wud wait for *him* to either sms me, "I'm up" or "I reach office oredi". this normally happens between 10am to 11am. the time now is 12.07pm and i still haf not heard from him all morning. the reason being he is home with the dowager, talking. they talk every morning, they nv run out of topics. it kills me to alwaes wonder and guess wtf they talk abt.

is *he* pouring out r'ship woes to her? work woes? financial woes? WHAT!! stuff he doesn't tell me abt??!!! omg, i go crazy working my mind on these senseless thots but i dunno how to stop it! i realli hate feeling this way but when it comes to the dowager, i jus get totally insecure and paranoid.

i get upset not even knowing wat is going on the whole morning for him and lamenting why he has not bothered to send me one sms all morning!

i feel small.

i feel invisible.

i feel insignificant.

it's a horrible friday.



post-script: turns out he reached office bright and early.. and didn't call/msg cuz he forgot his phone.. see, paranoia gets you nowhere!!! glad i didn't call and lash out at him! :p

Thursday, December 27, 2007

This is my WINKY BABY!







Winky has this perpetual sad face.. which is why everytime i see him, i feel the need to cuddle and sayang him. but realli, he isn't sad.. shih tzus just look like that.

Others like to say, he has a blur face. but that's pretty cute too, isn't it? :)

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

moving out of nat's place and to the new plc in a few days.. not feeling too excited abt it cuz the landlady gives me the impression that she isn't big on being nice. i did mention previously that i liked the fact she tries to keep the privacy between her family and me in the house by not being too friendly to me. but i think it's a bit too unfriendly when i sms her regarding the move-in and she replies with one-word answers. it jus doesn't make me feel like i am going to be comfortable in her hse.

i can oredi foresee myself hiding in the room most of the time i'm "home".

we met agus and sally yday to go through the final itinerary and other vital details of their customary wedding next Thursday. and agus suddenly popped the question, "when are u guys getting married? everyone i invited to my wedding commented that they thought you guys would be the 1st."

i jus stared into space. and when *he* turned to me and asked, "eh, he asking you leh." i felt a bit stung. as if i am in any position to decide this. i felt like screaming at the top of my voice, "the empress dowager has yet to let down her defences on me, and as long as she doesn't, we will not get married!"

why does the fate of my happiness have to lie in her evil clutches?? is this realli an act out of love for her son?? or just plain selfishness on her side?? i just cannot stress on how much i hate the dowager now. NV HATED ANYONE MORE!!!!!!!!!

*he* will be leaving for Shanghai nex weekend and i'm going to be alone.. :( end of Jan he is going to HK and then i will be alone again. By the time he returns, it will be CNY and if the dowager still bans me from appearing before her, that means i will be alone too, still.

do i realli deserve this huh? i am realli starting to get impatient.. but i mus not lose to the dowager, NEVER. i gotta hang on!!

2008 is coming.. seriously, 2 years ago, i imagined myself married and happy by now. how many more 2 years do i haf to wait??

my 2008 new year resolution - i just want to be happy..

Friday, December 21, 2007

god. i realli dunno how long i can put up with Firestarter's nonsense. She does not stop talking and it is so so getting on my nerves!!!

she is definitely an attention seeker, the typical kind with low self-esteem cuz she is alwaes portraying herself as miss know-it-all and it is so darn irritating!!!!

if you talk abt travelling, she will annouce, "my best fren works with a travel agency, she gets me the best deals in town".

if you talk abt cars, she will proclaim, "my uncle owns a tyre shop, he gives me the best car deals in town".

if you talk abt celebrities, she will offer, "my fren works with the press, she tells me all the news 1st hand".

my point is, there is NOTHING on the face of this earth that she does not know. in other words, she is a walking encyclopedia!

*puke*

maybe she realli is ms know-it-all, but the way she pushes information to ppl so aggressively in the "no-one-knows-better-than-me" attitude is just so overbearing and disgusting.

and she alwaes talk at the top of her voice, allowing her manly voice to penetrate through the office. like she owns the freaking office. WHY DOES SHE HAF TO DO THAT??

i am realli up to my neck with her nonsense. either i quickly get used to it or she loses her voice forever!!!

*SIGH*

another one of my (new) fave YZ pix:



i dunno why some stick-thin ppl can look so nice in loose-fiting tops. YZ and karen mok are best examples. ok i am not stick-thin like them but i am not too filled out either. i've tried to put on such tops but they jus look like shit on me! so sad. but YZ looks realli gorgeous in this photo. she is such a photogenic person. *envy*

oh ya i stole this pic from .J's blog. sorry ar.. *grins*

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

saw winky last night.. he looked better than i hoped.. except he was only skin and bones now.. all his cute baby fats gone.. no more stubby legs, no more rounded tummy, no more big head. just, boney bones everywhere. :(

he was so incredibly light to carry, i was afraid if i exerted too much force, i wud hurt him. but when i dropped him back on the ground, he ran and jumped and played. then i knew he must be feeling fine.

of cuz, that insatiable appetite of his also re-appeared and that was a sure sign that he was feeling way better than he did over the weekend. (he felt so sick that he did not haf a drop of water/inch of food for 4 days last week, thus the weight loss.)

anyhows, my winky baby is ok for now.. i'm gonna b seeing him more for the nex few months until i am put at ease that he's gonna b around longer than the doctor told us.

*keeping my fingers crossed*

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

winky is sick. :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

trying my bestest not to cry.

i haf been so bad. i haven't gone to see him in months. doc said he might go anytime. my winky.

i will nv haf another pet after winky. i cannot bear this kind of separation and pain. sometimes i resent my sister for bringing winky home.. make us all grow attached to him and now this. i love dogs too much to haf my own.. i jus can't bear to open up my heart to be hurt like that..

winky.. b strong.. i kno u r in pain.. but no matter wat, u kno we all love u the most and no other doggie can take ur place.. dun b mad at me ok? i promise i will go see u often from today onwards. i'm very sorry for not being with u the past months..

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Friday, December 07, 2007

had dinner with my beloved aunt at her plc last night. had our usual crazy jokes and laughs at the expense of HK celebrities, which, altho funny, we both love to the core. :)

and being my sweet and beloved aunt, she got me an ultra early xmas present!! :) when she whipped it out, i cud not take my eyes off the cover. WHY LIKE THAT!! hahah.. it was the debut album of her 亲爱的林峰! she was very excited abt the album that she jus received in her mail the day before, having ordered it online as it is not available in singapore just yet. (or maybe will not be available at all, our local record stores dun carry a lot of HK artistes, we kno tt by now.) so we started to skim through the cd, she played the tracks that she's liked so far and i haf to agree.. it is realli good. (as i am typing this, i am listening to the album om repeat mode. :p)

not sure if others haf heard 林峰 sing before.. but he is actually good for a newcomer in the singing category. we all kno his accomplishments as an actor but this new label as a singer seems to suit him just fine too. the songs are also very "competitive".. not the low-budget sounding kind.

but i still haf to say he looks dirty to me. hahahha.

u kno how being tanned makes some ppl look dirty.. he jus gives me tt impression. but i am not saying he is un-goodlooking ok. he is not bad. wat more after watching 溏心风暴.. his character is realli very impressionable.. i like!

ok, now i will show u the album cover that realli made me cringe for a while.. but a closer look at it makes me laugh uncontrollably. :p this album comes with 3 different versions of cover.. and since my aunt ordered online, she was sent 2 copies of the album randomly:



and guess which one we ended up getting and poking fun at..

the 1st one la.. why the pose like tt one?? so not cool?!!! hahahha... aiya nvm la... inside the album got the other pictures anywae.. jus dun look at the album cover lo. (sorry ar, yiyi.. insult ur 亲爱的林峰.. but now i also like "自己保重".) :p

it's friday... phew. weekends, try not to past so quickly, ok? :D

Thursday, December 06, 2007

omg, i simply cannot believe my ears. how can anybody be so disgusting????

自闭症 - "i show u i show u. this was me 2 yrs ago."
desperado - "huh! why like that.. wat happened to you?"
自闭症 - "huh.. why u say until like that.. so jiat lat meh.." (note - the pictures she is showing her is a picture of herself 2 yrs ago before she started to use make-up.)
desperado - "dun look like u lo.. so different now.."
自闭症 - "wat u mean.. that time better issit.."

desperado nv say anything to that cuz clearly, she is not the kind to offer compliments to ppl generously. she is alwaes jealous. so the conversation kinda jus ended abruptly.

wa lao. no make up and make up of cuz got make up better right!! it sounded like she was trying to fish for compliments abt how pretty she looks now?!?!? where got ppl so disgusting one, u tell me!!

*puke*

i'm sure i must have said this a gazillion times. I HAVE A WONDERFUL BOSS. but you know, nature alwaes has a way of balancing things in life.

i have HORRID HORRID, MALICIOUS MALICIOUS colleagues.

my job is a wee bit different from others. i am required to work with my boss 90% of the time. hence, it is more impt that i haf a good boss, than good colleagues. (which is the reaosn why i stayed on my job - my good boss.)

the office is currently split into 3 big sects (as i believe most offices are).

One sect, is normally made up of the pretty, happy and married/attached/hapily single babes. these girls are most of the time confident but humble. (ok not all, but mostly.) more imptly, they are down-to-earth and pleasant. everyone wants to talk to them.

The 2nd sect, is typically made up of the rejected babes. mostly average looking, petty, easily jealous and definitely, all the time, gossip mongers. (the gays love to be in this group, for strange reasons.) ok they might not be rejects, but for weird reasons, they all haf something against someone in the sect mentioned above. even if they haf never spoken to them before.

The 3rd sect, well, is the NEUTRAL sect. ppl who dun wanna get involved in office politics.

Not that Sect 1 and 2 want to. Sect 1 is more like, being forced to. ppl from Sect 2 are jus hungry for gossip, they CREATE the office politics.

lemme introduce u to the cast of Sect 2:

Joe - the gay of the sect - is actually a nice dude, when is not with them. but that is the scary part, u dunno wat he may be saying abt u.

i'm-all-that-u're-not aka 自闭症 - is such a perfect name for her. she is the supposedly "atas" one of the sect. at least she thinks she is. i hear she used to be from sect 1, but i think she decided they were not atas enuff for her. alwaes walking with her nose in the air, if she ever smiles at anyone, tt would be the eighth wonder of the world. (and she is my age)

firestarter - the "big-sister-big" of the sect. the rudest bitch i haf ever come across. i wud not call her chilli padi cuz she is easily triple the size of me. only one word to describe her - OVERBEARING.

desperado - the typical girl who is being left on the shelf. i hear she also used to be from sect 1. they say she distanted herself from them when they got married/attached one by one cuz she felt left out. more like she felt jealous lo. this one's definitely a follower, doesn't look like she's got a mind of her own.

slutty secretary - except she's not HOT at all. on the contrary, she's a plain jane from head to toe and back to head. :p she has a serious case of attitude problem. she thinks she is the most invincible secretary here - she isn't, cuz i am. i am the Executive Managing Directors's secretary, while she's only the Director's secretary. Neh nee neh nee boo boo! (I figured tt's y she hates me.)

and all of these ppl, gather every lunch time in the pantry to speak ill of someone. it's like their mouth will itch and rot if they dun speak ill of someone. but the thing is, they think that they are sect 1 ppl of the office, when in fact, they are sect 2. how i kno tt is because none of them is attached and they alwaes have that bit of jealousy look in their eyes. but it is so obvious. in their actions and the words they say. and honestly, they look like total losers. dress like losers too. (sorry to say this, but none of them are physically attractive.)

and i hate them oh-so-much. they keep stepping on my toes even tho i meander my way ard them, to stay out of their way.

and so guess wat, they haf ignited my fire. and i am going to deliver my blows twice the power, twice the size.

and i will do it so skillfully, they wud not kno wat hit them.

been seeing the "HERO" movie trailer so much that it has re-ignited my love for takuya-san. it's not like my love for him died, it's just all that korean drama hype made me lose my focus on jap drama for a while.

and at the end of the day, my love is still with jap dramas. :)

reasons are easy to list:
1. the japanese language is more pleasing to the ears
2. the storylines are more interesting, faster-paced, and endings are normally surprising
3. the setting in modern japanese cities is more interesting than korean studio settings
4. the japanese clearly haf better dress sense, thus making it a fashion show at the same time
5. i love takuya-san too much give jap dramas up

guess if i wanted to, i cud go on to list more reasons like, takuya-san looks good in jeans/wateva he wears and etc. haha.

but well yea, like i was saying, i've been seeing the "Hero" trailer ard too much.. wat more with the GATSBY ad playing on TV.. (i haf the song as my ringtone - "I.... can give you GATSBY..") made me miss takuya-san so much that i went to buy a new set of "Beautiful Life" dvds, cuz my old set has gone MIA.

and since i bought it on Tuesday, i've been watching it religiously every evening after work. and i'm almost 3/4 thru the drama.

i loved him the most during the phase of when "Beautiful Life" was shot. to me, he looked his best there.. not too boyish.. but manly with still a hint of boyish feel in him. i didn't like him in "Long Vacation" and "Love Generation" cuz he looked too young and raw in them. and in "Hero" the drama series, he looked too old.. (oops!) every time i went to kinokuniya, i wud dash to the jap mag setion and snatch up ALL mags with takuya-san on the cover. ALL. i loved him so much that anyone who knew me knew i was a kimura takuya freak. and whenever anyone saw a mag with takuya-san in it, they wud call to tell me, or some wud jus buy it for me immediately. HAHA. but hor, now i dunno where all the mags went oredi.. it's quite a small fortune leh!

and when i re-watched the drama.. OMG. i absolutely forgot how good takuya-san looks in "Beautiful Life". TO-DIE-FOR!! i dun think anyone can make me feel the way he does, and separated by the telly! i think it also has a lot fo do with his acting skills, which is so natural, it almost feels darn real! every single action, word and wink.. it is flawless. makes me tingle all the time. ok this is nothing sexual, wat i mean is his boyish good looks is jus so irresistable! and seriously, i think jeans were made for him.. he looks so good in them.. the exact way every guy shud don their jeans!! (but u need to haf a nice small, sexy butt like him la, otherwise very hard. :P)

a lot guys haf small butts, but they are jus not sexy. i dunno how takuya-san does it.. maybe it is in his walk. i dunno. omg, i jus can't get enuff of him!

even before the drama has ended, i am oredi worrying abt withdrawal symptoms from takuya-san. maybe i will re-re-watch it again after i haf finished re-watching it. HAHA.

the best way to end this post, is, of cuz, by flashing a pic of the love of of my affection. ENJOY!



Tuesday, December 04, 2007

i am addicted.. and it's realli not good to be this addicted.. to love.

the withdrawal symptoms are far worst than any drugs (not that i have taken any) cuz with drugs, medication can be prescribed to curb the symptoms.. but for my kind of addiction.. i'm afraid nothing in the world can do anything to help.

i dun think i can ever quit for good.. and i dun think i want to. the power of it is simply too strong.. and the goodness of it is too tempting to resist.

i've found that the most effective way to beat those addiction blues, is to keep yourself very busy and have a regular sleeping habit/hours. i normally try to turn in by 10pm on such days as i realised the later i stay up, the harder it is for me to turn in and the more depressed/lonely i get.

so last night, at 10pm sharp, i turned in to bed like a good little girl. and slept soundly like a pig. i was awakened at 1.13am by the loud ringing of my phone. i jolted awake and answered the call.. ecstatic to see that it was the call i had been waiting for. magic words were spoken after the short 10 minute call, i tossed and turned in bed, not able to get back into dreamland. figured i was simply overjoyed and body refused to settle down.

so i went outside to watch channel 8 reruns. it must have been one of the worse shows in the 80s, cuz i enjoy most of the channel 8 drama serials back then and the one i saw last night.. was.. so.. draggy. it reminded of korean drama serials. :p so i switched to channel u.. and they were playing S-Pop Hurray telecasted earlier the same day. surprisingly, it turned out far more interesting than the drama 8 serial. (i am a drama serial person and i wud normally watch any serial out of total boredom.)

the segment where they featured 李伟松 and 李思松 turned out most entertaining. in fact, it was hilarious! they played past performances of them when they just started out. OMG, the dance moves were so gawdy and over!!! even i felt embarrassed for them just watching it at home! but like 权怡凤 said, "要是没这样的过去,就不会有现在的李伟松,李思松。" :)

after that was 陈伟联's segment. it ws nothing spectacular.. his singing is like always.. which mkes watching him a bit boring. plus all the rumours that are going ard.. i am beginning to look at him in a different light now. i can't help it.

the next segment was 林俊杰.. i have never been a fan of his even tho i enjoy his latest album very much. after watching his "live" performance last night.. i was a little moved by his talent and his oh-so-addictive voice. the only word i can use to describe his performace is sleek.. and very 内练 for an artiste so young. 让我从此对他刮目相看!

after S-Pop ended at about 3am, i went back to bed.. didn't sleep until abt 4am! amazingly i managed to get up on time this morning but am having a slight headache now..

but the sleep lost was totally worth it, if u ask me, cuz i got the fix i needed badly for my addiction. :)

Sunday, December 02, 2007

starting to feel like i dun belong in this world.. i shud b somewhere else.. where i can b who i realli am.. not be hurt.. and not be capable of loving. cuz i realli am not able to anymore.

the better i understand love, the more confused i am. is love not abt giving? is it not abt forgiving? why issit that now tt i undertand these.. i am not given the privilege anymore? am i realli that rotten? or has my past caught up with me? suddenly, i feel like i understand wat ex-jailbirds go thru.. even tho they are willing to change, no one is willing to give them a chance or even risk it.

many times i secretly wish i cud go back to the time when i was alone and happy.. when i was alwaes happy to be single.. nv thot i needed anyone. but humans being humans, once we haf something, we will not be contented to go back to wat we were before.. no matter how hard i try to convince myself i will b fine alone.. my heart refuses to believe my brain.

it's weird how u allow the same person to hurt u over and over again, in the same manner. and u think the nex time it happens, u'd b prepared. but no. it becomes worse than before.. it's like the history is reliving itself.. it's de ja vu.. and u scream with all ur might that u dun wanna it to happen, u dun wanna go thru it again.. but it doesn't work. it nv does. u sit thru it, the tears, the fears.. and finally when u cannot contain it within urself anymore, u find ways to release that desperation. some ppl turn to frens, some ppl turn to suicide. some both. the rest.. they think abt it.. too cowardly to do anything, too tired to want anything. and then they go thru the whole process again.

if i cud be a time-traveller, i wud go back to 2003.. and tell myself not to fall in love. cuz u wun kno how to get up and there will b no one to help you. falling in love is the dumbest thing humans ever did. a few moments of happiness is not worth an eternity of tears.

for the 1st time in my life, i dun think love realli exists. no matter how much i want to beileve in it.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

something came back to my mind yday during our cold-war period. it's like i forgot abt it for the longest time.. but now tt the memory's come back, i thot i shud blog it so when i come back to read this someday, i will recall again - this very sweet little bit of detail from my r'ship stories.

there was one year during *his* reservist, i think it was probably 2 years ago.. in 2005. it was a so-called high-key, so that means his reservist lasted for abt 2 weeks. and i think he didn't get to book out weekends or something.. so we ended up not seeing each other for a long time.. until one of the days in the 2nd week, he msged me, "B! i am gg to NUH now! medical check up! u want to come meet me here?"

once i saw the msg, replied, "ok!" and bounced up from bed, (i was still in poly then.. probably one of the days i didn't go to sch. :P) and went to get ready. i showered and dressed and made up in half an hour (which is a record for me!) and ran out of my hse and got into a cab. i reached NUH in less than hour of receiving the sms. :p

when i reached, i saw him sitting down with 2 other reservist guys. when he saw me, he walked toward me and signalled me outside. his officer was within range so he cud not be too obvious abt it.

so we walked outside to a corner where no one cud see and then he held my hand. we didn't say much, he jus stood there, holding my hand and puffing away. i jus stood there and watched him puff.

after that we went back inside and he saved me a seat beside him and i jus sat there with him and his mates. he reached out to touch my hand a couple of times.

after the check-up was over, he had spare time while waiting for their transport to come and take them back to camp. so we went to the canteen to grab a bite.. caught up on a bit of our lives for the past week.. then he had to go.

i watched him get into his camp vehicle and he waved me goodbye. after that i took a cab home.

it was bizarre. it's like i dressed up to go see him for only 2 hours. and we didn't do much. and thinking back.. it was quite silly of us. haha.

but we were happy to see each other. and a warm, fuzzy feeling brews in me when i think abt it. :)

i hope more of such memories come to back to me.. so it makes me happy even for tt teeny weeny while.

tash is weird. but funny. haha.

last night abt 2am she sms-ed me to say her bf's mom was admitted to a hospital in KL and so they are driving up the very night (wee morning, rather?) and will be back later in the day. and she added at the back of her sms - "took the toothpaste. open the new one. bye bye."

i thot tt was hilarious!! tt wud be the last thing on my mind if i were her!! all i can say is she is a kind soul and i hope her bf's mom is alright.

next month this time i would have moved into my new place. am pretty excited since i'm gonna be staying in the block right behind another bestie. her mom's even invited me to dinner at their plc oredi. *overjoyed* some family warmth at last, even tho it is at another family's expense. no one can understand how much i am craving family together-ness.

lately the mommy bug in me has resurfaced. i dunno if it's me or are there more pregnant ladies ard my vicinity lately. i swear, i see one at every corner i turn. and i am so so so envious of them.. and that little bulge in their front..

in the past i used to get realli excited and look forward to becoming a mommy myself.. but lately.. when i see pregnant ladies.. i feel a bit upset. cuz i dunno if i will be able to wed in the 1st plc, not to even mention having a baby.

we had one of the most devastating quarrels this week. it lasted for 3 days. and it was over the thing i hated to quarrel abt most - MONEY. altho i must admit, it had reali been my fault. i overspent, and i knew it. it was a matter of time the cat would be out of the bag. i dunno why i didn't jus apologise and do the usual, "i won't do it again" fashion and get it over and done with. instead, we quarreled and quarreled and it was so heated tt i can still feel my anger as i am typing this.

something dawned on me and made me realise it's importance even tho i haf heard this particular phrase many times, but perhaps they were from the wrong ppl or at the wrong time. one time we were having dinner with agus's family. it was a cute group of ppl. agus and his wife, his parents, *him* and i. it was like the transitions of a couple. the bf and gf, the newly wed, and the old couple. so his mom was telling us abt 夫妻之道。 and she said, "两个人在一起,最重要就是不要太计较。" i knew that, but perhaps it was the way she had said it.. she stole a glance at her 糟老头 like seeking for approval after she said it and he nodded gently in unison. it was like they were livng examples. and at that point, i totally understood wat the phrase meant. it does not only refer to money matters, but also times when both parties are pushing the blame to each other, times when one partner does something inconsiderate, times when one partner is late, times when one partner does not keep to his/her promise.. 全都不要计较。真的。becuz end of the day, it is not abt who's right or wrong, but abt whether u r both happy tgt.

so as i thot abt tt precious piece of advise from agus's mom, i took the 1st step and smsed *him*, telling him i'm sorry and tt it will not happen again.

and in the same old fashion, it works like a charm and he melts.

see, all it takes is for one person to say something nice, it is not that difficult, realli.

i wud rather b HAPPY than b RIGHT. :)

*de ja vu! i've said the same thing somewhere else in my blog before!*

Monday, November 26, 2007

the weekend had been a bizarre one. it was an emotional rollercoaster for me, even tho it had been a good one.

*he* was moving hse over the weekend and so i was left to spend time by myself. i am quite used to that so i had no issue with the proposal. however, since his family was busy with the moving, he'd asked me to go help out for both sat and sun at the market. i wondered if the others knew i was the one tiding them over their duties, or they simply thot my mom cud manage one weekend w/o them. (she cud, it wud jus b a bit hectic.. help on weekends wud still very much be appreciated, apparently.)

i cud not help but wonder wat went thru their minds if they knew i was helping out while they moved. and if they didn't kno, why didn't *he* tell them? sigh. there i go thinking abt senseless stuff like these again. by sunday morning i became immune, cuz i knew i was nv going to get answers for my questions.

i've helped out at the biscuit shop previously, many times in fact. but i've nv been there alone. it was alwaes with *him*. wat more it was for 2 days in a row this time, by myself. saturday was extremely hard for me. i was bored. time passed so quickly when *he* was there.. talking cock and laughing ourselves silly in tt tiny shopfloor space. plus i kept wondering if his family knew i was doing this for them and if they cud somehow appreciate it. my mind was in such a riot.

by saturday night, i was a bit restless. he'd not called/msged the entire day. i figured he'd been busy. when he did call later that night, i was too upset to speak with him. he knew but he did not press for a reason. he'd felt guilty for not having spent time with me for the past 2 weeks.

i've tried to be as understanding as i possibly cud. but i cud not help getting upset somehow. i did not take it out on him this time tho. i kept to myself mostly.

on both mornings, he came to pick me up to send me to the market. i appreciated that very much. at least he is putting in that wee bit of effort that meant so much to me. he also made a point to haf breakfast with me both of the mornings. and each ended with him buying back food for his family. made me wonder if he had breakfast with me and then bought breakfast for them out of convenience or he had to buy them breakfast so had breakfast with me out of convenience. seriously, why can't i jus haf a much simpler mind??

sunday had passed surprisingly easily for me. my mom kept me very busy at the shop and before i knew it, it was time to pack up and go home. boy, was i glad i finished my 2 days of "shop duty".

so my weekend went by jus like that. i dun feel like it was any different from a weekday cuz i didn't get to see *him* much. this friday we're going to a wedding tgt, let's hope it'll be a good thing for us. at least i get to see him, if not spend quality time.

it's monday again. and i realised ever since i quit advertising, i haven't had monday blues anymore. :) looks like i made the right decision this time.. by not going back into the industry. i think i'll able to hold out here longer than the other places i've been.

keeping my fingers crossed!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

i realised that blogging has to be a constant thing. i cannot stop blogging for a few days or an entire week cuz when i do, i have too much to type that i dunno where to start. it's a bit overwhelming. and so, i keep putting it off and off and off until one day, i need to get it all out.

which is today.

i have not blogged in 6 days yet it feels like a month. scary how much can happen in 6 days.

VEUVE CLICQUOT

so i was saying, the girls and i, we went out for a booze-filled night last friday. started off at Veuve Clicquot (which i have no idea how to pronounce - Vive Clico? Vuve Clickot? wateva) at the Red Dot Museum. I have never been there before so i didn't know what to expect. perhaps having no expectations is good cuz i thot the place looked amazing. it was minimally furnished and they played with the effects of coloured lighting (red and yellow), yet the place was maintained at a comfortable dim level. it was a chic affair even tho the theme of the event was "Yellow". i only saw one lady in a yellow dress and one other lady with a yellow bag. that's abt it. there were more ppl in black than in yellow. in fact, i was surprised at how well dressed everyone was! i dunno where i've been but i have never been with such a crowd before. all the men was either in suits or something realli chic and dressy like the "director's" cap with thick black framed glasses, or black suits with white leather shoes (er, sounds a bit michael jackson, hor?) There was this guy who realli made an impression on me. he was in jeans with a white shirt and black tie and super super shiny leather shoes, simple but very outstanding. probably helped that he carried off the look very well too.

the girls were mostly in short dresses, the non-revealing kind but still very stunning. a few of them reminded me of audrey hepburn. the dressing that is. very very chic.

like i said, we were headed to zouk after the event so needless to say, we were dressed like party animals, nothing chic abt it at all. when i walked in to the Red Dot Museum, i felt out of place immediately. i was in pink and white. and a very mini skirt. i felt like a slut among the classily dressed crowd! but i think theresa felt worse cuz she was spotting a very very cleavage revealing top and body hugging capris. i tried to stay close to her most of the time so i wud look more decent. HAHA.

so anywaes, we stayed there for abt 2 hours, sipping on free champagne (ok, we were gulping at one point, haha.) and people-watching. it turned out more fun than i had imagined - and more eye candy than i ever thot possible. :p

ZOUK

when we decided we were intoxicated enough, we headed down to zouk. it was M's bdae and at one point, we were determined to thrash her party. if she had been robbed of the limelight of her own party, she was be fuming mad! but we aborted our plan last minute cuz, we r jus not as evil as we wish ourselves to be. :p

we started out at members, drinking (some more) and playing drinking games. fiona nv gets enuff of the drinking games, it irritates me sometimes cuz i prefer to dance myself silly. Unfortunately, music at zouk is not the kind for silly dancing. so abt an hour later, we relocated to Phuture. MAN. it's probably been 2 years or more since i last set foot in Phuture. and i kinda forgot how f***ing good the music in there was!! i almost did not stop dancing at all for the whole 3 hours that i was in there. song after song, scream after scream, those little feet of mine nv stopped moving once, not even when i was playing drinking games with fiona. :p needless to say, almost all of us were wasted, but some holding it better than the others. poor theresa was completely wasted and we know that because when she came down the stairs from the ladies, she slipped abt 5 to 6 flights down. ON HER BUTT. HAHA. she assured me she was fine after that but the next day when i spoke to her, she yelled, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? You should check out the blue blacks on my butt, IT'S HUGE! and hurts like hell! but before that, tell me how i got them!" i laughed for a good 5 min before i proceeded to re-enact with words, on how she fell.

there were some unpleasant moments that night, but it doesn't matter cuz it had been a great night and we did enjoy ourselves after all. (lately i've learnt not to harp on unhappy events.)

pictures to prove our wild night:


@Veuve CLicquot


@Veuve CLicquot


@Zouk


@Zouk

Friday, November 16, 2007

i received a phone call on my mobile phone on wednesday afternoon about someone who wants to give me a free makeover and photoshoot.

i should have known, nothing comes for free in this world.

i've had thots of getting one done recently anywae, so it didn't take long for them to convince me to go for this "free" makeover.

i made an appointment with them the very next day, and went there after work. i was surprised to see so many ppl at the studio when i entered. if their business was this good, they didn't have to give out free makeover and photoshoots to ppl, right? at one point, i suspected that someone bought me a package and secretly arranged for me to go. *wishful thinking*

so they assigned an image consultant to me.. it was this 23 yr old malay guy.. who wasn't very good-looking, short but had a very warm personality. he spent half an hour talking to me, trying to find out more abt my personality so that he knew wat kind of clothes to put me in and the kind of mood shoot that would be suitable for me (casual, formal, provocative etc.)

There was going to be 2 shoots for me that day. the 1st one, they had decided to go with casual. so i put on a long-sleeve, off-shoulder top with my denim mini skirt. hair was straight and left hanging loosely around my shoulders.

2nd shoot, they had wanted to do "artistic". this is a tricky term. artistic, sometimes meant nude. so i got a bit worried. but they told me no no.. u will be wearing clothes on you.. but we will make it look very very deceptive.

so turns out it was a very clean and stylish concept. they gave me a "bedroom" look. i had smoky eyes and big curls in my hair. i was wearing stuff on me but in some photos, it looked like i wasn't. but it was very tastefully done.

after this, i changed out of the clothes, and proceeded to photo selection.

some of the photos turned out realli nice.. but as promised over the phone, they were only going to give me 2 complimentary photos (raw, non-editted) out of the 60 shots we took. it wasn't hard, i picked out 2 of them quickly.. one each from 2 shoots i did.

then came the dreaded bit. they tried to make me sign up for their package.

when i came, i thot all they wud force me to do, was buy more photos of myself from the shoot of 60 photos, instead of jus going home with the 2 complimentary photos.. boy, i was so wrong.. they tried to sell me their membership package worth some SGD3,800!! MAD OR WAT! they went on and on with their hard-selling for about an hour and i listening patiently and politely throughout. when i started to slowly refuse their package, they got a bit more aggressive and forceful. i also started to raise my voice and explain to them, for the 100th time, why i cud not sign up with them there and then. when it dawned on them that i was not gg to sign, they turned nasty. one of the guys said, "well, it's alright, i guess. if she's not even someone who can make a decision on her own, i don't think we should waste our time talking to her anymore."

now, that was getting personal. it hit my raw nerve somewhere. i still tried to explain NICELY.

"it is not that, i haf oredi said, i cannot jus sign away SGD3,800! i need to think abt it." i didn't even reject them completely.

"bye" the guy said back to me. before i gave myself a chance to raise my hand to slap one of them, i grabbed my bags and walked towards the door. and stormed away.

DAMN IRRITATING!!!! how can they do business like that?? even if i had realli wanted to do a makeover later in life, i wud NOT consider them anymore! i wud not even recommend them to ppl no matter how good their photos turn out!!!

so now, i am going to warn everybody - DO NOT take up any services or packages offered by a photography studio named NAUGHTY BY NATURE Image Consultants (NbyN) situated at 69 Circular Road (Boat Quay). they are simply unprofessional and rude! i am going to start my boycotting exercise as of today. go to forums and warn ppl abt them!!!

ARGH. i am still angry thinking back abt it, but at least i got 2 very nice photos out of them, while, they, got nothing out of me. HA.

maybe will show u guys the pictures later on.. need to ask ppl do some editting for me 1st. HAHA.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

i am a hopeless romance-addict.

witnessing the courtship process of a girlfriend's is so much joy for me! it is like a romance novel unfolding in front of me. super sweet. :)

work woes

i feel so horrible. but i realli can't help it.

i've once again rejected the offer from the ad agency.. yes, i've decided not to join them.. initially it was because i felt bad leaving my current employment.. my boss is real nice. but later on, the ad agency called to give me such an irresistable offer, i simply cud not refuse. but as the date of joining the agency neared, i started to feel like i made the wrong decision.. my current boss was real upset tt i was leaving.. and he tried all ways and means to keep me.. and after a long long think abt wat to do, i decided to stay where i am.. cuz i simply cud not give up such a cushy job and good boss!

so i emailed the ad agency to tell them tt i haf decided not to join them.. and 1st thing this morning, i saw a reply from them.. and until now i dun dare to read it cuz i feel so bad for telling them abt my decision so late.. i was supposed to start next monday! :(

online novel

i have started on my mini project.. writing my 1st ever online novel. :) i've written many short stories before and like i mentioned previously, i got bitten by the writing bug since going back to reading chick lit a few weeks ago.

i hope to be able to complete it soon so i can publish it online fully.. publishing it by chapters is realli quite a drag. and i wun b able to go back and alter anything if i publish by chapters.. so there. :)

gg to Veuve Clicquot at Red Dot Museum tmr night and heading for Zouk after that. with all my gfs with me, i'm sure we're gonna haf a blast. will try to take some pictures so i can haf a photo blog nex. been some time since i posted pictures. :)

Monday, November 12, 2007

PJ says - "how have u been? to be honest.. have been beating the bush for so long n no point doing so anymore lah.. keep on asking how have u been, all the best.. hope u doing fine.. but of cos.. i just wanna know are u doing really good.. cos dunno why.. maybe im not in singapore and i dun have much contact with u which makes me worry.. and also.. u should know i still like u alot.. u should know that if i know u broke off with ur x n if im still in singapore.. i would rush over to u and ask for another chance.. know im still in japan for awhile.. but i just wanna know how u feel about me? can tell u one thing for sure.. i left for japan cos i couldnt forget about you.. n even after 5yrs in japan, u are still in my mind.. have no idea why but its in me for so long so why keep inside anymore.. i really like u alot.. 6yrs ago.. yes.. now.. yes.. i do not know what will happen in the future.. no one knows.. do i want to take care of u.. yes.. i do want to take care of you, i wan u to know that theres still someone outside who have been thinking of you.. and im scared of losing you again.. i lost you once.. then i found u in msn, but u left.. then i found u again.. i wouldnt want to lose you again for sure.. ppl might change, me or you might not be the very same person after all.. so what.. all i wanna say is.. if im ever given that chance again.. i do wanna be with u again.

sorry for being straight forward out of sudden.."

DK says - "i thot u were ready to be jus frens. all these years i avoided u cuz i kno u feel this way. i do not want to give u any false hope or indication tt i want to be anything more than a fren. and i think tt after all these years, i need to tell u tt i cannot be more than a fren to u. the fact tt u react the way u did or still do, is a bit frightening for me. i am afraid of u, u kno. u make me uncomfortable. i am sorry for being so straighforward, but since u r ready to come clean, i suppose u r ready for this too. i realli do not want to talk abt this anymore plus i realli haf no energy for such affairs. i haf no choice but not to reply any more of ur msgs cuz there is nothing else to say or explain on my end. i dun think it is healthy for u too. hope u can understand."

PJ says - "oei.. i do understand lah.. but no need to be frightened lah.. just after so long.. i think i didnt explain myself well enuff.. but seriousli after that email.. i dunno why.. im not thinking of anything anymore liao.. sorry for making u feel uncomfortable.. paiseh."

WEIRD OR NOT, YOU TELL ME?

Friday, November 09, 2007

if i had been an indian and celebrated deepavali, i wud haf said it had been a great holiday. :)

Public Holiday Eve - MAD SHOPPING

i spent wed evening doing the sinful affair again - SHOPPING. it was totally unplanned! i had only wanted to stop by at PS to grab dinner.. BUT!! why were there discounts and sales EVERYWHERE?!?!?! BODYSHOP, LA SENZA, CHARLES & KEITH.. ALL HAVING SALE!! how can i not shop.. it wud b so wrong.. *snickers*

ended up getting cosmetics at BODYSHOP, suder duper comfy PJs at LA SENZA (gg back today to see if there are some more!) and a pair of patent black heels from CHARLES & KEITH. oh, and 2 novels from TIMES. yes, even TIMES was having a sale!!!! unbelieveable. i'm thinking it is some pre-xmas thing. this is alwaes the best time of the year to buy stuff. cuz everything goes on sale during xmas shopping time. i developed the habit of shopping for CNY clothes/stuff during the xmas sales abt 2 years back, cuz there are alwaes better buys and stuff are in-season stuff. :) this year will be no different. (then again, i've been shopping all year this year..) *shakes head*

so after the sinful spree and eventually grabbing mos burger for dinner, i headed home and jus 5 min before i reached home, *he* called to say he's coming to pick me up and we cud go for a movie, since we didn't haf to work the next day. so i went home, almost running cuz i didn't want to run into him downstairs my place and get caught red-handed for my shopping crime. and in case he wanted to come up, i had to hide away all my shopping bags!!! i had almost wanted to gobble down my burger cuz if he knew i was having fast food for dinner at 9.30pm, i wud b pretty screwed. but i was too tired and flustered to gobble it down.. so i brought it along with me to the theatre, figuring it wud b better to get caught for this than for the shopping spree. :p

in the end, he took me to boon tong kee for a decent dinner as fast food is a no-go for him. :) *sweet*

LIONS for LAMBS - Realli? it is a movie?

we saw "Lions for Lambs" that night. OMG. it is so not a movie. it is like a freaking documentary!! like Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth". it was a weird show, IMO. there was no storyline, the flow of story didn't gel, there was no climax too. the ending was like as if it were a drama serial.. as if it was "To Be Continued". except, not in the big movie way.. like i said, in a small drama serial way.. jus pop in the next dvd and see what that last guys said in the last episode. YES, boring.

however, i think it served as a good reminder to the Americans.. the movie seemed to want to drive a messge to the Americans.. something abt staying united and supportive of the US govt to fight against terrorism. hence, it was dificult for us, non-americans to relate. *sigh* i realli wonder wat Tom Cruise was thinking when he took on the role? doing a part for the nation?? gosh, realli no idea man.

meryl streep was magnificent tho. she almost realli looked like she lived the life she potrayed in the movie. amazing actress.

my brother wud totally love this show, i think. haf to remember to tell him to watch it!

BRIDESMAID? ME!

went home amost 2am that night. woke up at 8am the next day to go to the biscuit shop. the same afternoon, agus called to ask us to go for fitting. huh, wat fitting?? apparently i am the bridesmaid for his wedding and i wasn't told until now. sheesh.. trust guys to do such things, they will nv fail in forgetting dates/impt events.

but anyhows, I AM VERY EXCITED!! i have been a "sister" at fren's weddings many times, BUT NV A BRIDESMAID!! and *he* is the BESTMAN!! it's gonna b fun!! i haf alwaes enjoyed going out with agus and his wife-to-be, Sally. sally and i get along like we've known each other for ages! we are born 16 days apart only! we can relate to each other on many issues cuz our bfs are so alike.. being the good frens they are. and we help each other "spy" sometimes. :p

so yday evening we went for our fitting at one of the bridal studios at tanjong pagar.. i had 3 short white dresses to try and i realli liked one of them.. but agus's mom and sally preferred another.. so i compromised cuz it is not my wedding after all! as long as agus and sally are happy. :)

i ended up taking the very typical but safe bridesmaid dress.. a short tube a-line dress.

it's going to be fun, i'm sure!!! can't wait till january 3!!

after the fitting, we had dinner with agus, sally and agus's parents at a traditional hokkien style restaurant in amoy street. and i realised how much i missed having dinner family-style. agus's mom is very similar to my mom, so maybe tt's y i felt very at home with them.

after dinner, *he* sent me home and read a bit before deciding to finish up the last 2 VCDs of the korean drama i was watching. and went to bed after. nothing extraordinary that day but it was a good and happy day nevetheless. i am beginning to enjoy simple days like these. :)

Monday, November 05, 2007

他应该非常的生气,因为他从来没有不回过我的简讯。不过真的不能怪他,因为如果是我,我可能会比他更生气。

可能我们之间真的应该到此为止,也真是托得太久了。。我实在很不应该,不过我真的没有其他办法。。

每年的生日,他都一定会记得打电话给我祝贺。去年,我第一次没有接他的电话。。 虽然我知道他特地等到凌晨四点钟打电话给我。。 因为他的凌晨四点钟是我的午夜十二点。不过,我真的没办法接他的电话。。 因为现在的他在我的身边。。 要我怎么接呢?

过后,我传了一封简讯跟他解释,说当时我已经睡着了。。 说了不好意思。。 对不起。。 不过心里还是过意不去。。 因为撒了谎,自己不可能好过吧。。事实是,我真的不知道怎么跟他说。。说以后我们都不应该再联络了。。 因为对我们对方的另一半都很不公平。。对他更是不公平。。 我从来没有打算过要给他任何希望或错误的幻想。我一直都只当他是一个很好很好的朋友。。 我想,我真的让他误会了。。 只能怪我自己。。

今年,他像往年一样,尝试打电话给我,想要像我祝贺。。 不过,我如去年一样,不能够接听他的电话。。 今年,我决定老老实实地跟他说,说为什么没接听他的电话。。 简讯传了出去以后,我手中握着的手机,没放下过。。 不过,过了一个小时,我知道我等的那一封简讯,是不会来的了。

可能我伤了他的心? 可能他不知道要怎么回我的简讯? 可能,这一次他真的决定放弃了。。

这正是我想要的结果啊。。为什么我会坐立不安呢?

我想,可能我知道,我失去了一个对我来说,非常重要的朋友。。 而他不只是一个普通朋友而已。。 他是我的初恋,一个我从来没想过可能发生的初恋。。 而到了最后,就算我们做不成情侣,我们都答应彼此我们永远会是最好的朋友。就算他有了女友,他都常常说她们都不如我。。 每几个月还是会打电话个我报导他最新的状态。

我也知道他一直都没放下过我们之间的感情。。但是,我答应过他的。。我们永远会是最好的朋友。。

看来现在,是不可能了。。

这真的是对彼此最好的结局吗?还是是我自己觉得而已?还是,是我太想保护我现在的他,而对以前的他做出伤害的事?是我自私了吗?我真的不会处理这一个残局。。

只能说,我真的很对不起。。 希望他会知道。。

I really never meant to hurt you…

The past weekend had been a big one for me. but it didn't feel as big as it should haf been.

i had stayed home on Friday as I had lots of things to do (it felt that way). i am going to have to move out of nat's plc by end of this year so i wanted to find a place asap. didn't want to scramble at the last minute. so i saved the whole friday for room-viewing, i was supposed to haf 3 rooms to view that day but 2 cancelled on me so turned out i only had one in the end. and it was at 9pm! :( i spent the day reading mostly. at least it was a good book.

i realised the market for room/flat rentals mus be realli good of late. cuz the agents are all so difficult and impossible to talk to. they are somewhat arrogant and mostly impatient. so different from 3 years ago when i was flat-hunting with my sister.. the agents were so eager to please. service was fantastic. now, i only hope they dun cheat me of my money, is all.

the room i saw that night was in bishan. ammenities aplenty and right next to 3sa. :) it is owned by a couple with 2 young children, somewhere between 1 to 4. the landlord is a nice man, friendly and smiling most of the time. the landlady is slightly more hostile. she doesn't like smiling a lot and is blunt with her words. didn't make me feel too uncomfortable tho. i thot maybe she was having a bad day, is all.

so i saw the room, i liked it. it was new, big and clean. i liked the fact that they made the room quite self sufficient. i wudn't haf to get out of the room a lot.. (i dun want to have to make small talk all the time with them). the plus point is that they did not limit me to the use of aircon.. the 1st room i saw had wanted to charge 450 with a/c, 400 w/o. and that was in punggol. super far lo. this one is in bishan, including a/c and utilities, 500. super good bargain lo.

i didn't want to go home and think abt it cuz if i did, chances are it might be snatched up before i cud decide. i was quite happy with the landlord/lady and the terms so i signed the contract on the spot. :)

one thing less to worry abt.

the day before on thursday, the guy i went for an interview with at the ad agency called me and offered me something i nv nv thot possible. i had rejected his offer as it was too low. and boy, i dun regret it! he came back with a better offer.. much much better offer. i almost fell from my chair. HAHA. but i still wanted to think abt it, considering advertising is hard work.. so i told him i wud call him back the next day to confirm. friday morning, i called the person whom i knew was working there and asked him for his views. overall, he didn't haf much to complain and thot i shud join as the new AD who was recently hired is proving to be quite an employee and wud definitely be a good person to work with. hence, right after i hung up the phone with him, i called up my future boss and accepted the offer. i will be starting 19th nov. :)

one thing less to worry abt. (was proud that i settled 2 major issues all in one day! yea!)

next thing would be my resignation. the toughest of all. argh. after that, i wud haf nothing to worry abt!!

so when saturday came, i was oredi in high spirits. I spent the whole of Saturday with him. from the moment i woke up (he picked me up at 8.30am) to half an hour before i slept (1.30am). It had been a fruitful Saturday to me.

We started our Saturday with very delicious wan tan mee at Tiong Bahru, then went to the biscuit shop and worked till 3.30pm. went back to my place at almost 4pm, played psp and just talked nonsense until 5.45pm, and headed for Ronald's hse for steamboat dinner/more PS/mahjong. It was fun. i played mahjong with Jeremy, Yuyun, and Shijian's gf (whom i didn't even get her name throughout the night of mahjong). I was winning all the way until the last round.. but ended up not losing and not winning. to me, not losing is winning oredi. :) as a beginner at mahjong, i am very happy with that!

sunday was bad (for me). i stayed home the whole day (cuz it was his mother's bdae and of cuz, i wasn't invited to dinner) and had only one meal that day. when i am alone, i tend to not want to eat. so i spent the whole day reading another book and finished it in one day. it was not bad. and after i finished the book, i went to bed at 9pm!

not too bad a sunday la.. peaceful at least.

so in a way, it had a big weekend for me.. but i dun feel like it had been as big as it shud had been. *shrugs shoulders*

wud haf been good if i saw him for a bit yday. but well, my own expectations, can't expect the same out of others.

be contented, kelly. be contented.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

room hunting. i wish i cud jus skip this part and move into the perfect place. but, the perfect place is something i cannot afford. accessible, near amentities, fully furnished (with furnitures that i actually like), with nice landlords/tenants (who will leave alone when i want to be left alone and talk to me when i want to be talked to) and convenient for *him* when he wants to come visit.

T O U G H. if all of that can fit into my tiny budget, it wud b a miracle.

but well, if i haf to live thru it, i'll live thru it. hope the selection process wun b too taxing.. i've done it b4, realli dun wanna go thru it again.. :(

feeling the usual depression again. haven't done the work i shud haf done in office, haven't rejected the offer i haf been offered at BBDO, feeling annoyed at certain individuals who keeps barging into my privacy (whatever i haf got left). seriously, damn frustrated.

i haf a lot of frens, i got along well with my colleagues (and ex-colleagues), i also haf my family tt sometimes i feel are non-existent, i also haf a bf.. how come i alwaes feel so alone? think not gg home to a family realli makes a lot of difference. i used to not like being ard ppl.. but i think now i am happy to haf ppl ard, sometimes. i dun feel so.. lonely.

one thing for sure, i am more independent than a lot of ppl i kno. i seriously haf no idea where i got that from. i mean, i didn't haf a struglle growing up as a child or anything. i was like any normal kid, staying home with family on sundays, gg to sch on weekdays and hanging out till late after sch with a 6pm curfew, gg out ocassionally on saturdays with the same sch mates. i've 1st travelled with frens on my own without my family when i was 17. 2nd time i travelled by myself without anyone i knew on the plane was when i was 19. now that i look back, i think my parents were pretty lenient with me. they also had a lot of trust in me. maybe tt is why i turned out this way. quite fearless, but probably too trusting. but nevertheless, independent.

those 2 months that i'd gone without *him*, i thot i did a pretty good job, looking back now. sure, i cried a lot when i was alone. but other times, i was quite normal. i didn't need a rebound guy, nor did i need frens to keep me occupied. i was ok by myself. fiona said i was very strong, i'd tell her, i'm jus determined, and very impatient. if i set my mind to do it, i'd get it done in the shortest time possible. (hence, i alwaes end up making a lot of decisions i regret later on.)

been reading a lot of romance novels lately.. kinda ignited my love for writing again. when i was in secondary school, getting an A for compositions was no biggie. i got that all the time. i wrote many short stories on my own back then.. but i've left them all at the old house when i moved and nv managed to get them back. i secretly harboured the thoughts of becoming a writer professionally.. and the urge has suddenly come back now.. as i read the novels, i think to myself constantly, "if i were the writer, i'd do it this way, phrase it that way". i think one of these days i will pick up my pen and start writing again. (or rather pick up my laptop and start typing. :p)

"You have a natural flair for writing." - my most favourite comment from an English teacher i did not like very much back in sch.

"You are a very good storyteller." - my most favourite comment from my most favourite English teacher back in sch.

aiya, this is my blog leh, let me boast for a while la. :p

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

小情歌 - 苏打绿

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着人们心肠的曲折
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚
就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

been feeling kind of depressed lately. am attributing it to the loneliness i haf been feeling, being on my own most of the time these days.

but if u ask me if i wanna move back to stay with my mom/sis/bro, my answer wud b a straight no. i feel lonely sometimes, yes, but i'd rather b lonely than to be in a hse full of quarrels day in day out. plus, i realli suspect my sister has schizophrenia (dunno how to spell). and i hate it most when she takes it out on me. telling me the flaws of my personality, just to make herself feel better, i think. i find that very very disturbing and i refuse to the target of her senseless personal attacks. so, i dun talk to her as much i can when she is in such a mood.

and because lately she has been in one of her moods again, we haven't been talking for a few weeks now. she has been busy preparing for her wedding and she has left me out of it completely. and i kno, that is the main reason why i haf been feeling depressed lately. :( but i try my best not to be affected. i try.

on top of which, i am room-hunting. gonna haf to move out of the place i am staying in before end of this year, which gives me abt 2 months or less to look for a place that is convenient, affordable and most imptly, DECENT. i am afraid of wat kind of housemates i will b living with.. but as long as the room has a lock (which i will try to double lock in case the landlord/hsemate has a spare key) i will feel safer. i realli wonder when i haf to live my life like that until, moving from place to place. :(

it's a bit sad and a bit weird.. but i feel like i can't tell him abt all my worries and concerns.. he does not seem capable of dealing with this side of me.. when i speak with that tinge of sadness in my voice, he gets a bit impatient. if i wanna tell him abt my problems, i haf to make sure i tell him in a happy voice. and that, to me, is difficult. why issit like that? :(

yday i met my auntie for dinner at Mushroom Pot, our fave haunt. (nat heard it as "Mushroom Park" when i told her last night, haha!) after which, we walked over to HMV from orchard point.. we had only wanted to walk ard, make fun of ppl and CD covers.. but we ended up at the cantonese oldies section and stayed there for a good 45 min i think. we picked up a few classic oldies that were truly quite a find and had a good laugh at some of them. we found 郭富城's 1st few albums and as we went through the song titles, we realised we could sing almost all of them. *gasp!* we had been closet fans of 郭富城! HAHA. i ended buying the one with the tracklist as follows:

1。我不认输
2。到底有谁能够告诉我
3。勇敢接受我的爱
4。Tell Me Why
5。午夜的吻别
6。Heart Breaker
7。我要给你全部的爱
8。喜欢就说爱
9。很难过还是要告诉你
10。Good Times & Bad Times

Damn retro! lately cuz of the 陈伟廉 song (which i think is a total rip off) i have fallen back in love with the 郭富城 song (到底有谁能够告诉我). actually i am quite sure i had the cassette of this 郭富城 album back when i was in primary school.. but i wud obviously not haf it with me anymore by now. and i thot it wud b worth the investment to get the cd now since there are many songs tt i love from this album. :) ironically, i hate 郭富城 now. a bit gay leh. too much botox also. dun like. :(

it's going to be hard but i am gg to admit it. i also bought a leon lai cd. HAHAHA. haf to la, he is my childhood hero leh. the cassette that i used to haf of this album i bought, even worse.. i listened until the tapes were spoilt!! i had to secretly buy another copy and put it back into my mom's collection and nv touch it again cuz of the phobia. i will nv forgot the feeling of hearing his voice go "ee... ewww.." then dead. and when i opened up my walkman to inspect wat went wrong, i saw that my walkman was vomitting tapes!! HAHA. too much shock for a primary sch student! primary sch student buying a cassette was considered a splurge back in those days. i was too scared to spoil another cassette!

thank god i will not haf such problems with my cd now. HAHA.

then of cuz, the reason i went to HMV was also to check out Eason's new album.. which i got too. a bit disappointing.. but i still love him. *dreams..*

almost wanted to get Silverchair's new album "Straight Lines" which swept awards at the recent ARIAS. supposedly the best album of their career so far. but it is a whopping 40 bucks. too ex, cannot convince myself to buy it. *maybe i dun love them so much anymore.*

but after this cd shopping spree, i felt guilty again, bought too much. spent too much. :(

think rest of the month haf to survive on air lo.

Monday, October 29, 2007

did some serious retail therapy yday. omg. i was shopping like i was in HK! sinful sinful sinful!!!!

been ages since the girls and i hung out tgt on a sunday. we went to the "vintage" flea market at nassim road.. as expected, it was disappointing. flea markets in singapore jus cannot make it la. also, it realli irritates me tt ppl tend to get confused with "vintage" and "second hand". second hand might be vintage, BUT vintage does not equate to second hand!!! looking at some of the stuff the ppl were selling at the flea market yday, realli made me wanna slap them across their faces. GRANDMOTHER SLIPPERS ALSO VINTAGE?!?!! how come they haf the cheek to bring those old, torn and tattered stuff from their homes and sell to the public in broad daylight!?!?!? i seriously cannot understand.

Vintage - "obsolete fashion from the past"

read that and remember that!!! i can buy grandmother slippers from the market downstairs my house so they are not obsolete!! and i dun think they were ever in fashion ok!!!! *bangs wall* i think the flea market was this close to selling granny panties. used ones. *sigh*

after the very very disappointing trip to the flea market, we decided to go to haji lane at arab street, upon theresa's suggestion. the boutiques there haf such pretty interiors!! i fell in love with all their decor (and clothes and accessories and bags and shoes...) wa lao. we literally went crazy there. it was a sunday so many boutiques were not open. THANK GOD. all those that were open, we managed to sweep them clean!! we went into 3 to 4 boutiques (only!) and we spent abt an hour in each of them. it was serious quality shopping! think the service staff realli loved us. we bought almost everything we tried. each of us spent an average of 300 bucks, i think. tsk tsk tsk...

after that we headed down to katong, this little street called Ean Kiam Place. it has nice re-furbished shophouses.. a fusion of old school and modern singapore. i came to kno of someone who is running a 2 storey boutique at one of the shophouses there and promised to drop by last weekend, so i brought my girls and we went.

after our shopping spree at haji lane, the price of the stuff at my fren's place proved to be a bit too steep for our liking. but undeniably, the things were lovely. the dresses were so pretty and the accessories and girly girly, very us. :p still, i cudn't resist and bought some earrings and handphone charms. theresa bought a dress, some accessories and fiona jus watched. she was certainly tired from all the shopping we had the whole day.

go here to see the website of the boutique: www.thelawn.com.sg

after we were done at our last stop, we walked to the famous 328 Katong Laksa and the 3 of us had 5 bowls of laksa, 4 otahs and 1 rojak. for girls, i think we eat quite a lot. but that is wat i love abt my girls, we nv care abt the carbs and indulge ourselves in the glory of food. *yummilicious!*

must haf been the best weekend i haf had in months. figured we cudn't do this all the time else we'd all be bankrupt very soon. :p but it was fun while it lasted.

like theresa says, wat is few hundred dollars in exchange of the memories we've built spending quality time tgt. shopping. :)

PRICELESS! :D

Thursday, October 25, 2007

someone must have cast a spell of happiness on me. cuz i haven't stopped smiling since Tuesday. :)

after work that day, *he* came to pick me up at my office at 6pm sharp. :) we went to town, walked from paragon to heeren to taka.. trying to catch a glimpse of a watch, any watch that will catch my fancy.. but to no avail leh. seems difficult for me to find pretty things or things i like lately. then finally.. when we walked past the DKNY watch counter in taka, i stopped to stare.. the most beautiful watch was staring right back at me. HAHA. i think i realli like DKNY stuff leh, this is the 2nd time i laid eyes on a DKNY watch, the 1st one was also bought by *him*. it was for his 1st christmas present to me in 2003. :)

so yea, we ended up trying a lot of other DKNY watches but i finally decided on the one i laid eyes on 1st. it is a black leather watch with many many swarovski crystals on the top. it is classy yet vogue at the same (to me). I LOVE IT!

after which, we drove to greenwood ave and had our fave pizza and pasta at Peperoni Pizzeria. i strongly recommend it to all italian food lovers. i swear it is the best tasting italian food i have ever tasted in singapore. the pizzas are to die for.. but so are the pastas! *yums!* it also has a bar there so u can chill out and lounge around after dinner.

it was quite a quiet night since it was tuesday. so after dinner, we sat at the restaurant for a bit, jus chatting and talking cock. :p when it was past 9pm, we decided, we shud go and do something.. i told him i realli felt like singing.. he picked up his phone and called agus and sally.. but agus cudn't make it cuz he had exams the next day.. so then we called ah poh and irene.. they were super onz!! in half an hour, they arrived at partyworld orchard and the rest was history. HAHAH. (aiya, all ktv sessions are the same wat, nothing to talk abt right. :p)

i reached home at 2am that night.. i was on the leave the next day but it was not because i knew i was gonna stay out late.. it was cuz i was doing a retreat for my sec sch the next day and i took off from work to do it. like a normal sch day, i had to be in sch by 7am!!! which means i had to wake up earlier than my normal work day, 5.30am!!! i had barely 3 hours of sleep, can?! old oredi.. cannot live like that anymore... :(

it was a good thing the retreat turned out realli fun.. i love being ard my juniors.. cuz they reminded so much of myself and the babes. the uniform.. does so many things to my mind.. we played games with the girls, talked to the girls abt sch during our time, talked to them abt life after IJ.. it was realli a good day to jus let my hair down and enjoy the time i spent with them.

the session ended at 1.30pm (i almost forgot how early school ends.. how come when i was schooling, the day seems longer than the night??) and after that, we all went up to the staff room to visit our teachers. many of them are now gone.. but the most significant ones in my life, are still ard, thank god. when i saw mrs nicholas, she screamed out my name almost immediately. :) i can't believe she remembers me after all these years (8 years!) we chatted for a bit before she got into a mad rush. after that i saw mrs tang soon lin. when i saw her, i cried immediately and i cudn't stop! dunno y, jus very very happy to see her.. and she was alwaes my fave teacher cuz she was alwaes the most patient teacher with our most hopeless class. she didn't despise us even tho all other teachers did.. we all loved her very very much and when we had our O levels, she continued to come to sch to revise with us despite having breast cancer then.. but she has fully recovered now. :D

i saw my discipline mistress.. omg, she remembers me too. i admit i was a naughty kid la.. tt's y she rems me. :p but it's different now.. i've grown up and she has seen kids worse than me, i'm sure. hahaha.

when i left sch, i realli wondered when will be the nex time i can go back again.. i still missed the teachers even tho i jus met them.. i realli hope i can go back and see them again soon.

which reminds me, i still haven't gone back to visit my ITE teachers!! i haven't been back since i graduated.. i feel so heartless!! i realli gotta go back before the end of this year.. before my bro graduates from there too.

i felt that the past 2 days had been very amazing days for me.. it was very fulfilling and meaningful.. i hope more days like these will come.. :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

today marks the day i turn quarter of a century old. OMG. i.. am... going... on... to... late... twen... ties.......... . . . . . .

I DUN WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:(

how ar? i dun even feel so old leh. i feel no different from the day i turned 21. how ar? does this mean i am childish??? *shit*

last night i got into those typical crying fits again. i am so surprised with myself, i actually pulled thru the night without quarreling with him. i actually feel happier that i didn't. i dun wanna screw up my own day, wat. :p

well, wat happened was, he SAID he wanted to come see me at my plc last night.. i guess to celebrate the 12am mark with me.. but turned out at the last minit he had work to do.. and if it finished early, he wud come to see me. but he nv did. i waited until 12am. sat at the window and looked out to see if he was there, but no. so i let myself be disappointed.. 12.02am - no call from him. 12.05am - no sms from him. 12.15 - no call nor sms from him. i was starting to feel realli upset by then. is he not eager to wish me happy birthday? :( i figured he must be busy with his work.. and forgot abt me.

i was angry tt he didn't call to tell me that he wun b able to make it to see me.. i stayed up waiting. and when the clock struck 12, i knew he wasn't coming anymore.

12.21 - the call came. but i was so angry then, i didn't answer. i didn't want to end up quarreling with him. when the call got missed, i waited for an sms. nothing.

12.26 - call came again. i didn't answer again.

12.27 - sms came. merely wished me happy birthday. no sorries abt not being able to come and see me. super super upset. cried myself to sleep.

wa lao. why am i so emo?? i am getting a bit disgusted with myself also. i woke up this morning, feeling slightly better. i tried to think from his end.. at least he tried to come, at least he didn't forget, at least he's made himself free today for me. but.. these are granted.. are they not? :(

i dun feel special.

i feel like shit again.

ARGH!

try to have a happy birthday ok, kelly? *frowns*

Monday, October 22, 2007

上个礼拜一个人在家时,刚好听到了 93.3FM 的“罐头剧场”。 相信常常收听 93.3FM 的人都有听说过“暗巷”。 那天,我就刚好听到了“暗巷2 ”的last instalment。 就连我这个第一次听的人,都落下了眼泪。相信很多人也和我一样, 听完之后也感到难过。

最近我每天早上在准备上办时,都一定会收听丁志勇的“就是万人迷”。 我已经爱上他了!连他的WOOHOO我都觉得很可爱。and yes, i have seen his pictures。 i still think he is cute。 HAHA。 他的声音好迷人!真的是万人迷!

然后在那个罐头剧场,我发现他饰演的“陈伟伦”有个ABC accent。 他学得好像!肯定是拜了王力宏为师!超像的!而且好自然!

http://www.podcast.sg/933_drama.asp

而且因为听了那次的广播,我上了网找到了“暗巷2 ”的podcast,把它一次过都听完了。丁志勇真的是个很有才华的人。上帝是公平的! Sorry, 志勇。 :p

我听完之后,我又不小心地找到了他的blog。 他的英文怎么那么好啊?? 天啊,i dunno wat he is incapable of, realli. 如果你从没听过“就是万人迷”, 现在是时候了!丁志勇超好笑的!

不然去看一看他的blog也好啦。HEEHEE!

http://www.cruzteng.com/

因为“暗巷2 ”, 我竟然。。 竟然。。 爱上了蔡依琳的“一个人”。 :(

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

the class chalet that started out with a very disappointing response turned out to be quite a blast actually. maybe only for me, but who cares, right? no one! that's why the response was so poor! and the rest of us who still decided to come anywae had to foot the humongous bill for those who decided not to come. damn irritating. i am nv gonna put tgt another class gathering, at least not for those ingrates who dun bother to make an effort at all.

so anywaes, turned out only 10 of us (out of almost 40 ppl) decided to come for the bbq on the 1st day. cheryl, yvonne, nat, 3sa and i were the 1st to arrive, to do the checking in etc. we spent the afternoon playing with nat's dog, playing mahjong, swimming and basically doing nothing. but it was fun! i kno i mus nv start on mahjong, cuz once i start, i cannot stop! that day i was totally hooked, plus i kept winning! but we only played with chips so no one had real losses. :p then ppl started to come gradually, 1st was fiona, then jean, gen and jac. and last to arrive at almost 8pm, was cat. so there, 10 of us. we ate, talked, laughed, ate, talked, laughed. nothing much la. then later that night we went back to mahjong-ing and halfway thru the session, nat pulled me to the ladies to have a "word". she said she was irritated with 3sa and looked realli grumpy. i tried to ask her wat's wrong but she jus said tt she was irritated. and when she turned to leave, i followed behind her and suddenly, all of them appeared outside the ladies with a cake and candles! (why outside the ladies, right? haha) and i was realli surprised. i was not expecting a cake! well my birthday is coming but i didn't think they'd celebrate it for me! so i was realli happy! jean's gang even bought me a present and it was such a pretty dress they bought for me! they kno me quite well, i mus say. :)

so then the night carried on with more food, more mahjong and more dogs. (Jean brought her snowie too. damn cute!) it was realli jus a rest and relax kinda night. nothing too major.. caught up with each other and all. by 12am, most of them were gone as they had work the next day. leaving cheryl, yvonne, 3sa and me. perfect for mahjong. HAHA. yvonne also had work the next day so she went upstairs to sleep before us. cheryl, 3sa and i stayed up till 4.30am to jus talk abt nothing.

chalets alwaes gave me a creepy feeling so i didn't realli sleep tt night, jus counted the minutes to sunrise as i was realli feeling my hair standing behind my neck. and when it was 8am, i was wide awake and went downstairs to watch TV. 3sa also woke up shortly after me and soon everyone was up. we decided to go for a swim, only to find that the pool was closed for maintenance that day. so.. we went back to play mahjong. HAHA.

sheesh, i realli hope i dun become addicted to mahjong. it is so not healthy. i am supposed to be against gambling, rem? :p

maybe i will ask the girls to come over this weekend to play mahjong with me. MAUAHHA!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

listen, u monster. u realli gotta stop acting up! there's only so much he is gg to tolerate and u haf crossed the line once too many. when will u ever learn?? dun cry to me the next time u screw up cuz no one is gg to pity u! u screw up this time, it is ur own business and no one is gg to clean up after u this time. all his frens haf gone all out to help you the last time and if it happens again, no one will be able to help u cuz they're gonna think u dun deserve to be helped, u're jus like kid who yelled 狼来了! get this into ur thick skull and PLEASE dun ever behave the way you did last night. IT WAS WRONG!!

:(

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

今天的心情,超不想工作的。 我真的快要闷死了! 我的公司自这星期起,不再让我们自由的游览网上的网页。换句话说,他们禁止了很多的网页,如 Facebook 和 Friendster。 而且,从这个月的15号开始,公司里将不能再用 MSN。 真的想把我闷死啊! 真不知道接下来的日子该怎么过!:(

上个星期刚刚又申请了两张信用卡。 我还真得有点怕。 上一次带了我的信用卡去香港,那个月的账单真的像颗炸弹一样! 幸好没把我炸死! 而我上个月又刚刚签下了大约两千元的 facial package。 真要命。 钱还真得蛮好花的勒。

其实我现在所过的 lifestyle,是我很久以来都想要过的生活。 没负担,没烦恼。想吃就吃,想做就做。真的很享受。不过我还不是很习惯花这么多的钱。虽然那些钱都是我自己的,不过还是会觉得不好意思。像是很不应该的感觉。希望我不会花地越来越“凶”!

这个周末我将会很忙。。 因为答应了我的前任老板帮他当他的新公司 event 的 emcee。 Event 将会在 Suntec Convention Hall, 星期六和星期天。 星期五下班后,我还得去 rehearsal。 听了就觉得这个weekend 会喘不过气的感觉。 希望不会太忙,我还想陪陪男朋友的呢。 :p

昨晚大概十一点的时候,传来了一通 overseas 的电话。 当时我想,该不会是 william 吧。。 不过我还是接了那通电话。 非常意外。。 竟然是 Jimi! 没想到他会打给我呢。。 我看已经有一年没跟他说话了吧。 嗯。。 Jimi 是我七年前的男朋友。。 也是我第一个男朋友。 当时我们十八岁。。 是在台湾念书时认识的。 大家毕业后就各自回国。。 我们俩维持了一年多的远距离恋爱。。 然后就分手了。 虽然分了手,不过大家还是很好,很好的朋友。 因为我们从来都没吵过架,分手也只是因为距离的问题。。 加上他是住在纽西兰的台湾人,我是新加坡人。。 根本没可能会碰到面。。 所以才一起决定放弃的。

分了手的这七年里,我们都会在对方每年的生日打电话祝贺。 所以每年一定会说上最少两次电话。有时候当其中一个不开心时,也会打电话向另一个诉苦。 我们可以说是彼此的红颜知己! 我能够有像 Jimi 这样的朋友,我真得很开心。所以每当听到他的声音在电话的另一端,我都会非常开心和兴奋。

昨天晚上,我不清楚 Jimi 怎么会打电话给我。昨天既不是我的生日,他也没有不开心。 我们在电话聊了一个多小时。。 说了些有的没的。或许他有不开心,但不想跟我说? 我也没问,只是开开心心的跟他聊他想聊的。 又或许。。 他和我一样,偶尔还是会想起他,还有我们那一段非常美丽的回忆。

命运总是爱作弄人。。 如果 Jimi 不是台湾人,而是新加坡人,我们现在会怎样呢? 还会在一起吗? 还是一样会是分手的下场? 但是,如果 Jimi 是新加坡人而我们现在仍然还在一起,我会不会遇到我现在的男朋友呢? 我会不会为了我现在的男朋友而跟 Jimi 分手呢?

生活上总是有很多的问号。 但是我想,只要你是无怨无悔地去过你的生活,对我来说就是生命里最大的满足了。 不要再回头看了,该是向前走的时候,就要勇敢地向前走。 这样,生活才会越来越有意义,越来越多新刺激!

haf some songs on my playlist on repeat mode lately. and i'm surprised at how open i've become in my song choices these days. in the past i wud only listen to songs of those artistes i like.. but lately i've been more open, less biased and merciful to those i dun like. haha.

刘德华 - 归宿
李圣杰 - 远走高飞
李圣杰 - 很想说
林俊杰 - 杀手
林宇中 - 空秋千
Ella - 蔷蔷
S.H.E - 说你爱我
蔡旻佑 - 我可以
方大同&薛凯琪 - 四人游

just to name a few, i dun like all those artistes i've named above. but those songs, are good songs. a lot of them realli jerks a few tears when i 1st listened to them (ok, maybe not for 杀手). for starters, listen to 李圣杰's 很想说 (if u haven't heard it b4). a definite tear-jerker!

my fave out of the list is 方大同&薛凯琪's 四人游. i hate 方大同 cuz he looks like such an a-toot. hahah. and i only listened to this song cuz i like 薛凯琪. and turned out this is a superb track. and changed my mind about this 方大同 too. did u kno his english name is Khalil?? wat kind of english name is that? it is so.. er.. malay. and he is not malay right??? *puzzled*

and ya, i dun like S.H.E too. but Ella is ok, i guess. i jus can't stand Hebe and Selina la. typical taiwanese girls.. the way they sing realli send shivers down my spine sometimes. *brrr..*

actually the artistes i dun like is realli quite a long list. haha. i haf quite high standards for artistes that i like, as if i am picking a husband. :p but well, i think i shud realli try to look past their character, appearance, bad publicity etc and try to appreciate their music.

maybe i will TRY to sit down this weekend and listen to jolin's new album. omg, her MV for 特务J is so disgusting lo. she think she charlie's angel. shit, she is is not even fit to be charlie's bagel!

YES I ABSOLUTELY HATE HER! *puke*

and i love ELVA and her last album title, 1087! (依琳白痴!) :p

Monday, October 01, 2007

it's MONDAY! but guess wat, I HAVE NO MONDAY BLUES! the wonders an amazing weekend can do! realli gotta give credit to *him*!

i wun even say that it was only a good weekend.. it was probably the best weekend of my life. i realli dunno if i am starting to see things from a different perspective that is now helping this relationship to grow positively or things has jus gotten better between us. i cannot stress more on how good the break has been for both of us. i haf definitely grown through that experience and it was truly a blessing in disguise.

like tony said, it's cool how we are, like, falling in love with each other all over again.. except it's even better cuz we are oredi so familiar with each other.

also, now tt the family is temporarily out of the way, i am realli enjoying having him all to myself. well not exactly all to myself la.. but at least when he is with me now, he is only with me.. not with the sister sitting nex to us, or the mother talking to him privately in her room while i wait outside. :(

i was actually a bit upset on saturday when he msged me to say that he had to go for some family gathering that night with his cousins at his place.. and can only meet me after that. i was sad cuz no. 1 - i am not invited to the gathering. :( no. 2 - he will probably haf to "show face" there until 11-ish, past midnight kind. which eats into the little time i get with him on weekends, given his tight schedule. (on that same day, he worked from 10.30am to 4pm, golf lessons from 4pm to 8pm, went home for gathering and left shortly to fetch his father from the airport, went home again probably about 10pm. and came out again to meet me at about 11.30pm.)

i felt so bad tt he came to meet me even though he was so tired. but of cuz, happy that he still wanted to see me after such a hectic day. :) i dun think i haf ever loved him more than i do now, this very moment.

and yesterday on sunday, i was surprised that he also met me for dinner.. cuz u kno, sunday is alwaes the family day. i realli dun wanna go into comparing the time he spends with his famiy and the time he spends with me.. i kno he is trying his best oredi and i realli dun want to stress him. how i perform and manage our relationship at this point is very crucial and my future with him realli depends on it. i am trying my very hardest to make it work for us. it's different this time cuz I am truly happy to be doing it.

as for the mother issues.. i am taking his advice to not think abt it for now. but all i kno is.. if she found out tt her son is sneaking off almost every other weekend to spend time with me since i am not allowed in his hse, she is not gg to be happy. and sooner or later, she'll jus b forced to let me back into her life (and her hse) cuz the last thing she wants, is to realli lose her son to me. i kno i am sounding conceited, but i realil am not. i jus want to make things easier for him by actually realli getting along with his family and i hope his mother will be sensible enough to think this way too.

i can only hope.

Monday, September 24, 2007

最近常常感觉到一种莫名的幸福。。 就连自己一个人呆呆的坐在房间里,也会有那种感觉。 也终于开始明白,原来爱一个人,最开心的是不需要拥有他,也能觉得开心。。 因为你知道,就算你不在他的身边,他也一样的在想着你。

我觉得自己真的很笨。只有到现在才看到他所为我做的一切。他是多么的用心,多么的有耐心对待我们这份感情。 就连现在,事情让我搞得那么杂, 他还是不顾一切,尽心尽力的经营我们的关系。。 而不管他的家人怎么说我。。 真的真的很感动。 我告诉自己,i realli must not screw up this time. 因为要是还有下次的话,我将不能原谅自己!

前几天的一个晚上,他突然间传了一则简讯给我, 说着:"u complete me". 我真的感动到差一点落泪! 我想我们分开的那两,三个月was a blessing in disguise. 没有彼此的日子。。 真的让我们两个人都想通了很多事。也让我们两个人都发现彼此到底有多重要。

直到最近,我们两个人才发现我们之间有一种很自然的默契。 而在一起四年的这段日子里都一直没有发现。 分开了几个月后再开始跟对方相处,才清楚地看到我们之间的互相了解竟然是那么的深。。 我真的感到非常幸运自己还有这一次机会再重新建立我们的感情。。 这次真的不能再让他失望了。。

上个周末,我一个人在家里看了 "The Notebook" 的DVD。好美丽的爱情故事。。好久以来都没看过这么美丽又感人的爱情片了。。 博取了我好多的眼泪!男女主角在戏里面对彼此的一片痴心实在很感人。 就算分开了七年还是对彼此念念不忘。 绝对是我梦寐以求的一种恋爱。 然而,当我想了想,原来我已经找到了我自己的一场美丽的恋爱。。 真的不敢在多要求些什么了。。

真的希望所有的人都能找到属于自己的一场恋爱。。 不管它是妻美的或短暂的。。 只要是一场用了全心去爱的恋爱,就是属于你自己的恋爱。。

天下的恋人/有情人们,我们一起加油吧!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

feeling very down. the got-bf-like-no-bf feeling is back and i realli feel like crap. i keep reminding myself that i wud rather b upset over this than upset over not having him in my life forever.. but somehow i am still very affected and it is making me realli demoralized. issit still gonna b like b4? can we realli go back to how we were like b4? i realli dunno.

we haven't spoken on the phone for the past 2 days.. only sms-es. i absolutely understand tt he has been so busy.. when he gets home he only wants to rest.. but i dun even get a good night msg from him.. the last msg of the day from him is normally the i'm-home msg. and it stops there. :( i dun feel like i am part of his life anymore. even tho i dun care abt the mother anymore, i feel upset tt at least when he goes home, she gets to see him.. and i dun even get to talk to him. :( :( :(

ok i can feel the green monster coming out of me again.. i realli gotta control myself.. cuz i kno if i can curb this feeling, life ahead will be so much easier for me.

i am looking forward to this weekend.. i hope he will make me feel more secure abt us and our r'ship.. :/

Sunday, September 16, 2007

i haf nv felt more contented in my life.

he's finally asked to meet me after being apart for 2 and a half months. he kept holding my hand.. smiling, talking. jus like the good old days. like i've alwaes said, i've nv had any trouble with him, it's only the mother. i winced a little when he made a slight mention of his mother last night. i realli need to get over it quick, before it turns into a problem again.

i jus realli can't beileve how lucky i am. to haf him back in my life. i must not and will not screw up this time. when i walk with him hand in hand now, i jus feel so blessed. i almost can't believe he is beside me, holding my hand again. i kno i nv wanna b apart from him ever again.

things r slightly different from how it used to be.. but i am not complainnig. it might be a good thing, to not pick things up from where we left off.. a new beginning would be realli helpful.

i hope it wud realli be smooth-sailing this round.. i will try my absolute hardest to keep things tgt.. and happy.

i haf nothing more to ask for!